


I say it doesn't matter (but it's killing me inside)

by Simply_A_Cherry_Bomb



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Highschool, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Chanbaek are hyucks parents, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I think that's very clear, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Pining, Slow Burn, he's adopted, marks annoying, or at least I'll try
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-22 20:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21082763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simply_A_Cherry_Bomb/pseuds/Simply_A_Cherry_Bomb
Summary: The last thing Mark remembers from that night is jumping out of his window, falling into Lucas' arms, getting shoved into a car, and then dropping down on Donghyuck's bed. He doesn't question why he woke up in the younger's arms, or how his clothes were changed, or how he didn't even have the horrible stench of alcohol on him, but he did scramble out of the bed, waking Donghyuck up in the process, and then bolt back to his house as soon as he could.(Or where Mark and Donghyuck have been engaged since birth, and Mark's just trying to find a way out, not knowing he's hurting others around him, especially his former best friend, or future husband).





	1. A flower that was definitely wilted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark's turning 16. His parents give him the typical birthday party. He has other plans.

Mark hated this. He hated the way his parents looked at him expectantly, urging him to turn to his left, and then joke around with  _ Donghyuck _ . Out of every human being on the world (and there are just so many to choose from), his parents had to decide that Mark would marry their best friend's son because that arranged marriage shit was still a thing, apparently. He also hated the way Donghyuck let out a chuckle at Mark's mums comment about how they would look great together, and way Donghyuck brings a hand to cover the bottom half of his face (conscious about how he looks when he laughs, even though he looks alright in Mark's opinion, only  _ alright _ ), and how Donghyuck says, "Oh auntie, don't tease Mark, he already looks enough like a tomato", which he does. But it's not because of the teasing he's receiving (he's already immune to it at this point, 4 years of teasing has been more than enough hell for him), it's because Mark is fuming. 

He's fuming because he doesn't want to be here, in the middle of his living room, the walls decorated in some cheap birthday party strings, and a cake on the table. The people surrounding him might've brought a smile to his face a few years ago (keyword: few fucking years ago), but that isn't the case now. What Mark really wanted to do on his sixteenth birthday, was to go out with Yukhei, finally visiting the club they had discovered downtown which allowed people in without IDs (and although it was illegal, Mark just loved the thrill of doing something dangerous). 

Yet here he was, squashed between the arm of the sofa, and  _ Donghyuck _ . He doesn't hate Donghyuck (well, he does), but the boy is  _ so _ annoying. He's always laughing his head off, cracking stupid jokes, that definitely don't make Mark crack up from time to time. Donghyuck's also got this horrible habit of joining in with the teasing their parents do, turning to face Mark and telling him that he can't wait until they get married and Donghyuck finally gets the chance to slap Mark awake. 

It's weird. He had assumed that Donghyuck would be against this arrangement, especially since the two were such close friends, always attached by the hips ever since birth, but only as friends. Then when the two turned 10 and Mark hurried home, eager to tell his parents that he had nearly had his first kiss (because he was  _ that _ one kid who tells his parents everything), his parents exchanged looks, a little nervous before kneeling down beside him.

"Mark sweetie, you can't kiss anyone." They said giving him strange looks, which he now knows was their way to stop him from doing something they didn't approve of. At first, Mark wanted to ask them why he wasn't allowed, he had seen so many kids his age randomly getting kisses on their cheeks from cute girls in other classes, but ended up not questioning them, choosing to become that one guy in class that dodged kisses, as weird as it seemed. 

They were 12 when Mark found out he was engaged to his best friend. His family was over at Donghyuck's and they were talking about how they were going to be spending the summer, thinking about going out to the beach. That's when Donghyuck brought up the subject of how Mark was so popular at school.

"You are?" Mark's own mum asked, confused that her son could even get popular at school, although it shouldn't be quite surprising because he was so good as socialising, and had his ways with making people's heart flutter.

"He is!" Donghyuck giggled, nudging Mark, who only gave him a shy smile, before turning to his parents, who had a disapproving look. "He's so well known in our year! All the girls have been trying to ask Mark hyung out."

"Oh." Silence followed that simple word, and Donghyuck didn't know what he had done wrong. All the adults in the room were just stealing glances and clearing their throats from time to time.

"Mark...Donghyuck." Donghyuck's dad, Chanyeol, started, leaning forward and licking his lips nervously. The tension in the room only worsened every second they dragged out this conversation. "When you guys were born," he cleared his throat, earning a grunt from Baekhyun, "We decided that our sons would…"

"Would get engaged!" Mark's mum finally revealed, throwing her hands up in excitement, yet her face contained nothing but nervousness, scared as to how their kids would react. Mark froze in his seat, the fork in his hand dropping onto the floor, and his jaw hanging wide open. 

Donghyuck, on the other hand, remained relaxed, although he had a surprised look on his face, and his cheeks were blossoming a red colour, Donghyuck didn't say anything bad. Instead, he nodded, picked up his fork, and continued eating his food, much to his parents' surprise. 

"B-but—" Mark spluttered, seeing as how easily Donghyuck hadn't given in to this engagement, and hoping he could perhaps change their minds. "Me and Donghyuck are just best friends. Nothing else! I can't possibly think of him in that way!"

"Minhyung." Mark's mum had said, a stern expression over his face, and his real name rolling off her tongue in such a manner that it immediately made Mark shut his mouth up and cower in his seat.

(Later that night, when Mark and Donghyuck were sitting on Donghyuck's floor, Mark brought up the topic again, anger lacing his words.

"We can't get married," Mark stated, and he refused to even look at Donghyuck, feeling weird since he had to think about his  _ best friend  _ in such a way. "We're just friends, and our parents need to understand that."

"Oh come on hyung." Donghyuck pleaded, his voice small and quiet, and it sounded as if he was offended. Offended that Mark was so disgusted by the idea of marrying him. "It won't be that bad. Plus, since we're already friends, we won't have much trouble, right?"

Mark didn't reply to him after that, choosing to stare down at his phone, and shooting holes at his wallpaper, which was a picture of Mark and his crush. But that didn't matter anymore. 

He then changed the wallpaper to a blank colour.)

  
  
  
  


"I'll be back from the bathroom." Mark chuckled, getting up from the sofa and walking towards the toilet, praying no one would stop him. By the time he reached the door of the toilet, Mark's phone rang, and he saw that he had gotten a message from Lucas.

_ lucascas _

_ yo mark im outside ur house atm _

_ jump out the window or smth _

_ ill catch you ;) _

  
  


_ markiess _

_ ill be out in a sec _

_ also, fuck u. i ain't no rapunzel _

  
  
  


"Mark hyung?" Donghyuck's voice rang in Mark's ear, and he froze with his hand over the door handle. "Were you going to sneak out?"

"And what if I was?" Mark snapped, turning his head to look at Donghyuck, but immediately regretting it after seeing the hurt expression on the younger's face. "Lucas is waiting for me."

"Wait." Donghyuck sighed, running a hand down his face before stealing a glance at the room behind them, where the others were still laughing and giggling. "I can fake being sick so we go home, and then you can sneak out once your parents go to bed. I'm sure Lucas can wait thirty minutes or so?"

Mark also hates  _ this _ . He hates how Donghyuck always lets him do whatever the hell he wants without even questioning it, especially after how Mark's treated him since that one night. Donghyuck knows about how Mark sneaks out of lessons to get high. Donghyuck knows about how Mark has already had his first kiss. Donghyuck knows about how Mark's dating Yerim, but he never says anything. He never reminds Mark that they're going to be getting married in two years or so, he never tells Mark to not lead Yerim on, he never even tells Mark that he's hurt by his actions, even though his face shows clearly how he feels. And this all might've been because of what Mark did to him on the first day of highschool.

"Okay, lemme text Lucas." Mark answered, letting Donghyuck stumble back into the other room and pretend to be feeling sick and blaming it on the 'cheap local store cakes'. Lucas replied quickly, telling Mark to take his time (because he was currently trying his best to get Renjun, one of their friends, to finally date him). 

"Bye-bye," Donghyuck said, taking a step out of the house and waving at the others, the smile on his face gentle, and Mark almost felt bad for basically kicking him out of the house. _Almost_.

"I'll hit the bed then." Mark yawned, stretching his arms up and starting his journey up the stairs. His parents didn't pay much mind as they heard the door to Mark's room lock, and then silence. 

The last thing Mark remembers from that night is jumping out of his window, falling into Lucas' arms, getting shoved into a car, and then dropping down on Donghyuck's bed. He doesn't question why he woke up in the younger's arms, or why his clothes were changed, or why he didn't even have the horrible stench of alcohol on him, but he did scramble out of the bed, waking Donghyuck up in the process, and then bolt back to his house as soon as he could.

When he arrived home, his mum asked where he had been, and right after he mentioned Donghyuck's name, her sharp eyes softened and she nodded along, telling him that it was fine.


	2. The repeating days are so cruel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark remembers how he was a coward, truth is, he still is one.

Mark was thirteen when he first saw Donghyuck get beat up. It all happened under the tree in their school garden. A few guys from Mark's class were hovering over Donghyuck, smirks on their faces and their fists ready to be thrown. Mark watched as Donghyuck was thrown to the ground, his eyes shut in pain as his arm came in contact with the rough concrete floor. Mark watched as the boys placed their feet on Donghyuck's shoulder, a string of slurs leaving their mouths, and Mark watched as Donghyuck got up from the ground, a determined expression on his bruised face, and he raised his arm to fight back. But he couldn't. The boys grabbed him, roughly shoving him into the tree trunk, a curse leaving his mouth and a bit of blood.

Mark watched as Donghyuck dropped to the floor, the bullies scrambling to their feet as a security guard chased them out of the school. Donghyuck kept his eyes trained on the boys, glaring at their backs and waiting for them to disappear from his sight. Only after they vanished, alongside the guard, Donghyuck closed his eyes, the hot water escaping his eyes, and staining his tanned cheeks. Sobs echoed in the empty garden, and Mark finally moved from his spot, nearly tripping over a few rocks whilst making his way to the younger. He snaked his arms around his waist, grunting as he helped him get off from the ground. 

Donghyuck continued crying, stuffing his face into Mark's neck in an attempt to muffle himself. He cried as they walked out of the gates, passing by the guard who failed to catch the bullies, he cried as they went past the park they always used to have fun, he cried as they turned the corner to the street of Donghyuck's house.

"Mark hyung," Donghyuck called out, yet his voice came out so tiny that it made Mark feel bad for not helping. "Is there something wrong with me?"

The question made him stop in his tracks, his head whipping to shoot a confused look at Donghyuck. The younger boy cowered under Mark's arm, conscious of his appearance and because of the question. Cars passed by them, and the silence only worsened as a group of older guys ran across the street, screaming at the top of their lungs. Mark wasn't sure how to answer the question, mostly because he had no idea what Donghyuck was talking about, and because he wondered if it was related to the bullies.

"No?" He replied, but the word came out more as a question rather than the answer, making Donghyuck even more uncomfortable. He ducked his head low and nodded, letting go of Mark's arm and walking ahead of him. "Wait, Hyuck, what do you mean by that?"

"As in," Donghyuck turned around, clearing his throat and harshly wiping the tears off his cheeks, his face tinting into a red colour from all the crying and bruised. "Is there something wrong with me that all those people fight me? They always talk about my dad's, there's nothing wrong with my dad's, is there? Mark Hyung, come on, answer me."

That wasn't what he had been expecting. Throughout the years that Mark knew Donghyuck, and that was ever since birth Donghyuck had never once had second thoughts about his parents. Of course, he knew he was adopted, clearly since both of his parents were males, and because of the documents he found hidden under a pile, but he knew once thought it was wrong. So why was he thinking like this  _ now _ ? Twelve years afterwards?

"There isn't anything wrong with your dad's, they're just...horrible people, ignore them." Mark said, bringing a hand to Donghyuck's head and patting it gently. The gesture caused the younger's face to heat up even more, but Mark guessed it was because of all the stress he was experiencing. "Now come on, I'm sure your dad's are waiting for you."

"Yeah." Donghyuck sniffled, rubbing his face with his sleeves and replacing his frown with a bright smile, although it was slightly crooked be side of his swollen lips. His smile was so wide, Mark wondered if it was fake. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mark was fifteen when he found out Donghyuck had gotten into a proper fight. Apparently some kids had cornered him into a classroom, locking the doors and mocked him. Apparently Donghyuck had stayed down, eyes glued to the ground and he pretended to not listen to what they were saying. Apparently after his parents got mentioned, he had immediately jumped up from the ground, raising his fists and punching one of the guys straight in the face. Apparently he got two out of the five kids into the hospital with a broken nose and bruised eye. 

Donghyuck was never violent, but he did have a short temper. As much as he would ignore the things people said about him, he would still feel the burn of the words deep inside. However, he locked them away, not caring about what people had to say about him, because who the hell were they to make him feel like trash? But, whenever something about one, or both, or his dad's was said, he wouldn't be able to take it. Normally, Donghyuck would passive aggressively insult the people, looking down at them before turning away, since he could care less about them. 

But him punching someone? Beating someone up? That was new. Clearly, Mark couldn't let their parents find out, so he thanked the fact that he had made his phone number Donghyuck's parent contact details (something him and the younger had agreed upon when sneaking the letter into school). During class, his phone rang, and Mark hastily made an excuse to go to the bathroom. Without batting an eye, the teacher dismissed him, and Mark rushed into the toilets, answering the call and attempting to act as if he was parent. 

The teacher he spoke to (some Mr Seo he will never see again, hopefully) told him about how Donghyuck had very badly injured someone, resulting in them going to the infirmary. Instead of asking for compensation of a sort, the teacher apologised for the behaviour of the kids that got hurt. Mark was confused, but hummed along to everything, before muttering a thank you and ending the call. 

He later found out that Donghyuck had hurt one of them because of the names they called him, before getting beaten up by the other four, and that  _ he _ , in fact, was the second student to end up in the infirmary. 

Instead of going to check on Donghyuck, Mark stuffed his phone in his pocket, before hurrying back into class and taking a seat, stealing a glance at the girl, Yerim, sitting next to him. At that moment, he had other priorities, and sadly, Donghyuck wasn't one of them.


	3. My heart is dancing with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck's first day at highschool was probably his worst.

The first (and probably last) time Donghyuck approached Mark in public was when the younger had just entered high school. Everything was still new to him, he hadn't been able to make any friends yet, and it was his first day. Mark clearly remembers how Donghyuck entered the lunch hall, nervously playing with his fingers as his eyes darted around the room, trying to find a certain someone who was hiding between his friends. A few moments went by and Mark saw from the corner of his eye as Donghyuck walked around with a curious look on his face. The younger got lunch before standing by the door, his eyes still searching for Mark.

"Mark hyung, your mum—" Donghyuck had started, after finally finding the older and escaping from his awkward spot in the middle of the hall, but before he could say anything else, Mark's friends stopped him.

"Oh! Who's this?" They teased, nudging Mark and then turned to Donghyuck. "Hey kid, what's your name?"

"Uhm," Donghyuck had shifted uncomfortably under the gaze of a table full of people (and a bunch of people on other tables — who knew Mark Lee was still going to be popular in high school as well?), and he looked at Mark with pleading eyes, hoping he could help him avoid the awkward conversation that was going to come, but when the older averted his eyes, he lost that tiny bit of hope. "My name's Donghyuck."

"Donghyuck, huh?" One of the guys and Mark thinks it was Felix, said, grabbing onto Donghyuck's arm and tugged him down to sit with them. The tense look on his face went unnoticed by Mark, who had glued his eyes to the table, and Donghyuck got bombarded with questions.

It was clear his friends were going to do that, especially since Mark was so closed off with his whole personal life, choosing not to tell them anything in case he ever slipped up and told them he was engaged to his former (yes,  _ former _ ) best friend. A few minutes later, with unsatisfying answers, Hyunjin, apparently, the only smart one there, decided to ask the question they all forgot about.

"So what are you, Mark's best friend?" And with that Mark's eyes snapped up, immediately locking with Donghyuck, who smiled softly and him and then nodded.

"Yeah, we're best friends, and we're also—" Before Donghyuck could finish his sentence, Mark slammed his hand down on the table, causing everyone to flinch, including Donghyuck, who looked up at him with a confused look, wondering if he had said anything wrong.  _ He hadn't, but he was going to. _

"Donghyuck, we need to talk." 

The noises Mark's friends gave out were pretty unnecessary, especially the, "Oo, Mark's pissed for once", was not needed at all. Donghyuck got up from his seat quite slowly, which was odd because he was so uneasy just a while ago, but now he wasn't willing to join the only person he knew in the school for a talk (which wasn't going to end well).

"What happened?" Donghyuck asked as soon as they got out of earshot, but were still under the gazes of the guys on the table. "Mark hyung?"

"Don't call me that here," Mark grumbled, folding his arms and looked away, thinking about a gentle way to let Donghyuck down. The younger, catching a hint that Mark wasn't exactly in the mood for any arguments, nodded and then waited for him to continue, and his stomach twisted every time Mark shot him a look (of disgust). "Listen, Donghyuck, I know we were friends," Upon hearing the word 'were', Donghyuck's faint smile dropped, and his back straightened, almost making Mark feel bad.  _ Almost _ . "We don't really have the same interests." A big lie, because the two had so much in common it was crazy that they were so similar and perhaps they could blame it on the fact that they had grown up together, and so their habits rubbed off onto each other. "And my friends," Mark gestured to the guys sitting a few feet away, eagerly watching the two converse from afar, "They're not like you."

"What do you mean...not like me?" Donghyuck asked, choosing to ignore the start of whatever Mark said. 

"They're a lot cooler—"

"So am I not cool?"

"Donghyuck," Mark groaned and threw his head back, already feeling a headache coming. "I'm just saying we don't mix well. So I think we should distance ourselves at school."

"But hyu— I mean Mark, we're literally going to get marri—"

"No we aren't," Mark quickly interrupted, looking around to check if anyone had heard the start of the word Donghyuck was going to say before letting out a sigh of relief when the people around them didn't react to it. He turned his attention back to Donghyuck, who simply stared at him with a betrayed expression and uttered words he knew would hurt the younger, but nonetheless said them. "We will never get married, so please get rid of that thought."

Without any other words being said, Mark scoffed as Donghyuck lowered his head and began to walk away. As he sat down on his table again, his friends pat his back and asked him what the two had conversed about, only to receive a shrug and, 'I told him to stop following me, you know he just grew up with me and hasn't stopped annoying me'.

The way his friends laughed every time Mark would insult Donghyuck whenever he walked past them was enough to encourage him to do it even more. Mark knew what he was doing was wrong. Mark knew Donghyuck was hurt by his words, which was clear by the way his hand clenched around his bag straps, his head hung lower every day and his eyes were always a shade of red. But the satisfying feeling that passed through him every time his friends laughed along to a joke — typically one insulting someone in their school — he wondered if he really was doing something that bad. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Mark found out his friends were bullying Donghyuck 5 months after it had started. He had been busy with a music assignment when his friends called him out to the backyard, telling him they had a present for him. Wondering if he had somehow missed a month and skipped all of July, Mark made his way down the school and stopped in front of the back door. When he opened it, his jaw dropped and his heart twisted at the sight. Donghyuck lay upon the ground, slightly hoisted up by the deadly grip Jisung had on his shirt. His lip was bruised and his eye was droopy, unable to remain open because of how swollen it was. Donghyuck had forced his eyes to turn to Mark, a soft smile playing on his face as he saw the older look at him with worry. But it all disappeared soon enough when his friends called out to Mark.

"Dude, here's your present!" Jisung said as he dropped Donghyuck onto the floor. All Mark could do was watch the younger collapse and sigh as he felt his arm crush his chest. "We were asking him about how he met you and he started going off on a rant. I think he might like you. That's really gay— you know that's really gay, right?" Jisung stopped to turn around and kneel before Donghyuck, poking his bare leg with his finger before recoiling as soon as they made contact. "Wait, ew— don't wanna get infected by you."

The rest of them laughed as Jisung continued with his childish antics, none of it dying down as Donghyuck's eyes burned with unshed tears. The younger averted his attention from the group of boys that were mercilessly teasing him and locked eyes with Mark. His eyes were empty and his mouth tugged down into a frown. Mark was surprised to see him like this. Donghyuck had always gotten bullied when he was younger. It was always by people who knew about how he had two dad's, or people who assumed Donghyuck was forcing a friendship with Mark. They used to beat him up, get him into trouble, help build a completely false reputation of the younger boy, but he never let it get to him.

Only when his parents came into the picture did he ever react, otherwise he remained silent and let them do what they wanted to do. So seeing him like this: sat up against the wall as Jisung spat out insults at him, his body limp because of how numb he felt, inside and out, his eyes watery and cheeks a tint of red because of how embarrassed and ashamed he felt to be in such a vulnerable state in front of Mark.

Honestly, Mark should've been able to tell by the messy hair the younger always seemed to have, or the dark marks appearing on his smooth skins every so often that he was getting hurt again. But he chose to ignore them. He pretended as if he didn't see them whenever Donghyuck would be forced to visit his house, and the two would spend their time in silence in the living room, a game on the TV and both of them were playing it, yet none of them spoke. Mark acted as if he didn't hear the fear in Donghyuck's voice when his parents would ask him how school was, or how he was enjoying Mark's company. 

Donghyuck would normally make up excuses about how he hadn't been able to join Mark at lunch due to the volunteering he did at the library, or how he would be called back to check up on answers. But of course, he couldn't always use the same ones. And so, Donghyuck would force out a laugh that seemed genuine enough for everyone to relax and he would lie through his smile, talking about some time where Mark had mixed his food in one plate before stuffing his face with it. Their parents chuckled at the strange behaviour of their son (not knowing it was complete bullshit and none of that actually happened) and Donghyuck grinned at their happy faces. It was enough to make his day. 

Mark, on the other hand, felt disgusting for hiding such a big secret, such as his friends part taking in the bullying of his supposed-to-be-future-husband. But then when he thought about what could happen: he would lose his friends overnight if word got that he was the one to snake them out. He couldn't let that happen. And so, Mark agreed with what Donghyuck said, ignoring the sad glint in his eyes and laughed whenever Donghyuck would 'recall' a funny thing that happened between them.

Not much ever happened between them, but Mark was fairly sure that whatever Donghyuck was going through was his fault. Yet, he said nothing about it.


	4. Close your eyes and you're calling me back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night of Mark's birthday party, explained.

Mark doesn't remember much of what happened on his 16th birthday. Other than the failed birthday party his parents held for him, to which only Donghyuck and his family had been invited to, he can't remember much. All he does recall is making a plan with Lucas. The memory of him jumping out of his window, his phone tightly clenched in his hand and his legs pressed against his chest, and then finally landing in Lucas' arms was one of the only prominent things he remembers. As the older (by a few months) boy had said, he really did catch Mark like Rapunzel. 

"Come on," Lucas tugged on Mark's hand and led him to his car, which wasn't parked directly in front of the house since his parents knew about what his car looked like. With strict parents like Mark's, he needed to be prepared to do all this sneaking around. Of course, he never really wanted to lie to his parents or hide the things he did but he could also never disappoint them. He couldn't disappoint anyone (except maybe Donghyuck — but his opinion didn't matter to Mark).

"Final-fucking-ly," Renjun rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat as Mark climbed into the car. "You took so long I was thinking about ditching you."

"On my birthday? Isn't that a little too mean Renjun?" Mark teased, poking a finger into Renjun's shoulder and thriving off the way the younger squirmed under his touch. "Anyways, has everyone else reached?"

"Yeah man, they've been there for the past hour, or so," Lucas informed him, buckling up his seat belt and then looked at him through the mirror. "So how was dinner with Hyuck?"

"It was alright," Mark replied, sighing a little and relaxed into his seat. "And why do you still call him Hyuck?"

"Because we're still friends," Lucas scoffed at Mark's reaction. 

Even though Mark had decided to cut everything off with Donghyuck, a decision he's not proud of but he doesn't really care much about it anymore, Lucas had kept in contact with the younger. When they were still in primary school, Lucas had met Donghyuck before he met Mark. The two had become friends after Donghyuck had mistaken Lucas for one of his bullies. After getting punched straight into the face by Donghyuck, Lucas had declared him a brave soul and befriended him. It was an odd way to start a friendship, but the two had worked their way through it. 

"I don't understand how you tolerate him," Mark mumbled and no one probably would've heard him if it wasn't for Renjun's great hearing.

"You may think he's annoying," Renjun started and he turned around in his seat to look back at Mark, a serious expression on his face. Renjun had always been defensive of his friends, and Donghyuck just happened to be the one he protected the most. "But he's more than that, you just never tried to find out."

"Sure," Mark averted his eyes and looked out of the window. He stared at the clouds in the dark sky that seemed to follow them, reminding him of the time when Donghyuck used to do the same. He used to believe Mark was the centre of his universe, the sun of his galaxy (which was funny to them when they were younger since Mark used to call Donghyuck his sun) and he never let anyone come close to them. Maybe that was why Mark disliked the shadow Donghyuck created around him, keeping everyone at arms distance. Mark, someone who loved getting attention from everyone, couldn't handle it and pushed Donghyuck away. Perhaps there could've been a better way to do it; softer words, gentle gestures or even confronting the issue would've helped. 

"We're here," Lucas said once they pulled up in front of a small building. The sound of muffled music was present and the lights outside were a dim purple colour. Cliché for a nightclub but that's exactly what Mark wanted. "Let's go."

The three entered the building, immediately getting bombarded with a bunch of drinks and got dragged across the floor. Mark soon found himself sitting on a sofa with a drink in his hand. He glanced down and eyed the liquid. The way it splashed against the glass made him feel sick. He didn't want to drink it. He looked up and saw his school friends gulp it down. He looked down. He drank it. 

The drink passed down his throat, leaving a bitter taste at the back of his mouth and Mark grimaced. The feeling was as bad as how it looked. He shut his eyes close and took deep breaths, not knowing how to handle whatever the hell was going on with him. Someone laughed beside him and Mark just wanted to punch the guy in the face. So he did.

Without any hesitation, Mark swung his fist to the right, ramming it right into someone's cheek and he swears he heard something crack. It wasn't his knuckles, and only once he opened his eyes did he realise it was the guy's nose. 

"What the fuck?" He yelled, holding a hand to his nose as blood burst out of it, the shape distorted and his eyes clenched down in pain. The people around them cheered for Mark (he doesn't really know why) and offered him more drinks. From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Lucas pulling Renjun to the side, disgust on their faces as they watched Mark chug down drink after drink. For a 16-year-old, he had quite a high tolerance. 

"That was hot," Someone said and Mark snapped his head towards the voice, a smile on his face as he watched his girlfriend walk over to him. She threw her leg over his and sat on his lap, rubbing her hands up his arms and then settled down on his neck. "When did you learn to fight people, Mark? Aren't you the innocent, sweet boy?"

"Seems like you haven't met me properly then, Yerim," Mark grinned, his eyes wandered up her dress, surprise was written over his face as he realised she was wearing the one he gave to her on her birthday. "Nice dress."

"Thanks, babe," Yerim smiled back and leaned forward, catching Mark off guard as she kissed him randomly. Wasting no time, Mark brought his hands on his waist and pulled her forward, leaving no space between them. The noise of the party died down and Mark could only hear the sound of his heart beating. He felt Yerim pull away and she took a deep breath. "You getting drunk may be the best thing to ever happen."

"Really? We should do this often then," Mark chuckled, using one hand to cup her face and pull her back into another kiss.

He doesn't remember how long he kissed her for, or if she was the only one he kissed. Time passed so quickly and soon he was falling onto the ground with a thud. His name was getting called out and Mark didn't know what was happening. A hand grabbed his arm and then cold wind slapped him in the face. 

"Mark, dude wake up," Lucas helplessly pat Mark's face, worry flooding him as his shorter friend struggled to stand up and had a stupid smile plastered over his face. "Fuck. Renjun, what do I do?"

"I don't know, should we take him home?" Renjun ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he watched Mark collapse on the ground again. "Can't do that, his parents will probably find out he went out drinking if he goes home like this."

The two were discussing what they had to do when Mark pulled his phone out and brought it up to his face. He was on the ground as he called up Donghyuck, a goofy grin on his face when the younger picked up and asked in a tired tone, " _ what's up hyung?". _

"Donghyuck-ie!" Mark said at the top of his voice, and the two standing over him immediately brought their attention to him. "How are you?"

"Shit, don't call Hyuck," Renjun dropped to the floor and attempted to pull the phone out of Mark's hand, but the older simply kicked him away and buried his head into his knees. "Lucas, do something!"

_ "Mark hyung...where are you?"  _ Donghyuck asked and Mark started to giggle.

"Outside the club! What about you Hyuck-ie?" Lucas facepalmed as he heard Donghyuck continue the conversation. "You want to speak to Lucas? What about me? Speak to me!"

"Pass the phone, Mark," Lucas grumbled and snatched the phone out of Mark's reluctant hand. "I'm sorry, Donghyuck. We'll solve this, don't worry.'

_ "No no, hyung it's okay. You can bring him over to my house," _ Donghyuck answered and Lucas looked at Renjun with confusion. Renjun shrugged his shoulders and pointed down at Mark, who began to whine about how he wanted to talk to Donghyuck instead. 

"Fine," Lucas bent down to pick Mark up with Renjun following closely behind. "We're coming over."

The next thing Mark knew was that Donghyuck was holding a hand over his mouth, preventing him from making any sound. He giggled like a madman when Donghyuck reached over and helped him out of his shirt. The rest of his clothes were pulled off afterwards and Mark found himself chin-deep inside water. He blinked slowly and felt hands brush through his hair. Shampoo got into his eyes and he shut them close, taking deep breaths as Donghyuck washed out the rest of the foam. The younger helped him up, his boxers soaking wet as he guided him back to his room. When Donghyuck turned around, Mark finally stripped himself of that last piece of clothing before dragging his limbs into Donghyuck's clothes. He felt a wave of relief when the sweet smell of vanilla flooded his nose. 

"Come 'ere," Donghyuck whispered, gently grabbing Mark's arm and pushed him onto the bed. He switched off the lamp and joined Mark in the bed. "Come on, go to sleep, hyung."

"Mhm, g'night, Duckie," Mark muttered, shuffling closer to Donghyuck and wrapped his arms around him. He tilted his head to catch Donghyuck's glassy eyes before stuffing his face into the younger's chest. He ignored the sniffle he heard and hummed once Donghyuck pat his back, enveloping him in a blanket of warmth. "I missed this."

Sleep overcame him quickly and he missed Donghyuck's reply, but it wasn't as if it would've changed his sober states reaction to the position they were in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated :D  
[cc](https://curiouscat.me/deelonghyuck)


	5. I thought I grew up, what do I do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol and Baekhyun try to do some investigating. There's a boy called Jaemin.

"Can we talk to you, Mark?" Chanyeol awkwardly stood by Mark's bedroom, Baekhyun behind him with his head low.

"Yeah, of course," Mark quickly answered, sitting up in his bed and tried to hide the pile of dirty clothes by kicking it under his bed. The action didn't go unnoticed by the two but they didn't pay much attention to it, worrying blinding their eyes. "What's wrong?"

"It's about…" Baekhyun took a deep breath and leaned against Mark's table — and he probably would've warned his uncle that the table was broken from one side if the worried expression on his face didn't scare Mark. "It's about Donghyuck."

"Donghyuck?" Mark echoed and the two shared a look. "What about him?"

"He," Baekhyun seemed to choke up on his words and held a hand to his head, trying to calm himself down. Chanyeol didn't look any better. "He comes home with bruises, cuts, scratches — says he fell down the stairs, got hurt in class, accidentally got pushed to the floor. Mark, I know he's lying, we all do. He— he doesn't tell us what's really going on." Baekhyun takes a break and gestures for Chanyeol to continue. He does, but with a small voice, hurt.

"Donghyuck is getting bullied by someone," Chanyeol finally said and Mark freezed up. They didn't know it was his fault, did they? To be honest, if they did, by now Mark would have more bruises and broken bones than Donghyuck ever did. So maybe they didn't know?

"Do you know who it is?" Baekhyun urged, looking at Mark with expectant eyes. He almost slips up, tells them that it was him who started it all with a stupid insult that led to all of this. That it was his friends who were dragging Donghyuck to the hidden areas of the schools, tainting his skin and pulling his hair. But how could he? He would end up exposing all of his friends and then they would leave him. Not only that, his parents would find out what he did to Donghyuck and that would be the end of him. He couldn't.

"No," Mark replied and their shoulders slumped down, eyes drained of hope and Mark felt the guilt build up inside him. He could tell them? No. No, he couldn't. The truth carried too much for him to lose, although the lies seemed to be much more of a burden. The weight on his chest was heavy and he could barely breathe with it, but as long as everyone around him liked him, he didn't care.

"Alright," Baekhyun sighed and took his weight off Mark's broken table, the frown on his face deepening as he eyed Mark's nervous movement. "Alright, thanks. Sorry for bothering you, Mark."

"No, no, you didn't bother me," Mark nods at them as they exit his room, making their way back downstairs, where Donghyuck and his parents had been. Once they were out of sight, Mark pulled his phone out and messaged Donghyuck — only now realising that the last time they had texted was when Donghyuck was asking him for his location. 

"You messaged?" Donghyuck poked his head through the crack in his door and Mark nodded begrudgingly, making a gesture for him to enter. "Why? Do you need a favour? Or help?"

It was weird how Donghyuck was so quick to ask Mark if he needed anything. He felt bad that that was the first thing the younger had assumed, but then again it made sense. The only times Mark had ever spoken to him were when it benefited him and him alone. 

"Are you going to tell your parents about what goes on in school?" Mark asked immediately, no hesitation nor shame evident in his voice. Donghyuck didn't seem surprised. His expression remained calm and he let out a deep sigh, tired of this act. 

"I haven't up till now, what makes you think I will in the future?" Donghyuck raised an eyebrow and made a move to exit the room, the action of his arm raising to hold the handle door exposed a part of his side, a purple patch glared back at Mark and he internally winced at the sight.

"Your parents were asking about your injuries," Mark quickly said in order to stop the younger from leaving. He needed a proper answer. Maybe one day Donghyuck would have enough and would tell his parents everything. The veil would be dropped, the secret would be out. Mark's reputation would be gone 

"Mark hyung," Donghyuck spoke in a stern tone, the way his lips were always pulled down into a permanent frown around Mark bothered him and his unusually quiet front hid away his emotions. It was strange. Not long ago, before they found out about their engagement, Donghyuck would tell Mark everything — from how many biscuits he ate to the time his parents yelled at him for getting his clothes dirty (it was Mark's fault but they never knew that). "They won't find out. You have nothing to worry about."

The sound of his footsteps resonated in the hallway and his voice soon joined in with the four downstairs. Mark lowered his gaze from his closed door and looked down at his lap. His phone buzzed and a notification popped up. It was Yerim. Mark stared at it for a moment, debating whether or not he should go downstairs or talk to her. Seconds passed before he picked his phone up and called her up. Even if he was to go downstairs, was there anyone waiting for him?

  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  


Yerim wasn't the type of girl to get angry over small things. Sure, she was a little high maintenance and moody, but she knew when and where to respect people. Mark liked that about her. When he met his parents, she bowed down, introduced herself as Mark's classmate (he had told her that his parents weren't fond of the idea of dating in highschool and surprisingly, she believed it). His parents had praised her many times after she left, bringing a smile to his face, but then they reminded Mark about who he should really pay attention to. Donghyuck. His fiance.

"You have a lot of childhood pictures with this kid in your living room," Yerim whispered to Mark when they sat next to each other in chemistry, not even bothering to take notes and instead just doodled on the page and played games. "Who is that?"

"Childhood pictures?" Mark paused for a second and he squinted in an attempt to remember. Yerim giggled at his face and nudged his shoulder.

"You know, the ones next to the TV. The kid looks cute," Yerim quickly said before looking down at her page of rambles when their teacher shot them a look. 

Mark knew what she was talking about. There were pictures of him and Donghyuck as little kids walking down a hill, hand in hand. Another one was of Donghyuck sitting on top of him, practically strangling him but he seemed to be enjoying the tickles he was getting. Mark would've told Yerim who it was, but that was the problem. She didn't like Donghyuck. If she found out that Donghyuck was someone that Mark was close with when he was younger then she would leave him. He couldn't tell her.

"Now I'm definitely not telling you," Mark huffed, tilting his face away from her when she pouted. Yerim poked his cheek and whined quietly. "It doesn't matter anyways, I don't talk to that kid anymore."

"Mark," Yerim chuckled at his answer and then placed her hand over his arm, a comforting gesture that Mark still couldn't handle well. "I was just asking. Don't worry, I'm not going to cheat on you or anything."

Yerim rolled her eyes fondly when Mark continued to refuse to look at her so she pinched his stomach, earning a squeak from him. The teacher seemed to have enough of them and turned to Mark, the corners of his mouth slowly raising when he watched the two gulp in fear.

"Mark Lee," Mr Moon said in a sweet tone with underlying anger. "Please exit my room and sit on the ground outside. Make sure your hands are up otherwise your detention will last longer than 10 minutes."

Mark groaned at this and begrudgingly got up, playfully shoving Yermi to the side when she mocked him. The rest of the class laughed when he tripped over his shoelaces, even the teacher did and his cheeks heated up faster than they ever had before. Finally getting out of that embarrassment, Mark kneeled down and raised his arms besides the door. He wasn't afraid of getting detentions — his parents never really got the calls anyways (it was Donghyuck) — but it was still a little nerve-wracking when the teachers stared at him with an unreadable expression. It sort of made him feel shameful. He didn't like getting in trouble.

A sigh left his mouth as his knees already began to ache only five minutes in so he glanced around. A few hushed voices could be heard from the corner of the hallway and Mark craned his neck to catch a glimpse of who it was. The curiosity in him beat his reasonable thinking and he slowly put his weight onto his feet, crawling away at a fast speed. The voices got louder by the second and Mark stopped as he reached a place where he could watch with ease. With a smile on his face, Mark looked over the corner and the smile dropped quickly than it formed.

Donghyuck stood by his locker, his back pressed against it as someone slightly taller loomed over him. Mark's eyebrows furrowed when he saw this and he wondered if it was someone hurting him again. The stranger raised his hand and placed it next to Donghyuck's face, barely touching his cheek. The shorter shivered at the tiny bit of contact and Mark couldn't help but narrow his eyes. They seemed different from all the people Donghyuck ever came across. They were never this intimate.

"So what do you say?" The boy that had caged Donghyuck between his arms said, his blonde hair contrasting against his red face. Donghyuck blinked up at him with wide eyes, confusion and surprise filling his cute features and a soft grin graced his lips. Mark felt a smile creep up his face but he pushed away that feeling as quickly as he could and paid closer attention to the two by the lockers. 

"It's only been two weeks," Donghyuck replied, sounding a lot more confident that what his face was showing, his heated up ears, the shy grin. "Let's see if you can wait any longer, Na Jaemin."

_Who_? Mark was about to interfere, ask what was going on when a sound from behind him caused him to yelp. 

"Mark Lee!" Mr Moon yelled from down the hallway. "I thought I asked you to stay right here!"

Donghyuck and the boy, Jaemin, snapped their heads in Mark's direction, shock plastering over their faces before they scrambled to hide from the teacher. 

"Technically," Mark swallowed down the fear that he felt when Donghyuck's eyes fell upon him and forced himself to turn around. "You told me to keep my hands up, not remain seated outside."

He could hear his classmates cracking up at his horrible joke and Mr Moon had had enough to do with him. With a red piece of paper in his hand, Mark made his way to detention. And as much as he was worried about losing marks in his grades, his mind was more concerned about the blonde and brunette he had seen earlier.

They were too intimate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for nahyuck, what can I say?


	6. I lose myself in your smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A proper introduction to Jaemin. Donghyuck smiles.

Mark watched in amusement as Donghyuck clutched onto the blon—Jaemin's arm talking quietly although his body language showed how excited he was. Donghyuck didn't really have many friends, or any if you excluded Renjun and Lucas, so to see him friendly with someone other than them, it was surprising. It wasn't as if Donghyuck wasn't friendly, he was, but no one liked him. From his dark past in primary school, where he was known as the boy who liked to start fights for no reason, make people end up in the hospital and even disrupt classes, everyone assumed he hadn't changed. And in all honesty, he hadn't. But that was because he was never like that in the first place.

"Little Donghyuck-ie got friends," Seungmin snickered and the others joined him as they stared at the duo across the lunch hall. Mark looked away from the two and glued his eyes to the table. A question in his head as to why they were so concerned about Donghyuck and his life. He had never done anything wrong to them yet they always pestered him. 

"You talk so much about him," Renjun started, pushing Mark aside as he took a seat on the table. "It's as if you like him."

"Dude!" Felix laughed loudly, throwing his head back and hit Renjun's arm. "That's funny. Oh my god, that was funny. Liking someone like Donghyuck...wow."

"It wasn't a joke," Renjun rolled his eyes, scoffing when he saw their faces morph into a look of disgust. "You guys make your world revolve around him. Whatever he does, you know about it. It's as if the only thing that matters in your life is Donghyuck."

"Shut up," Jisung spoke up as Renjun finished. "We could never like that guy."

"Then why are you so obsessed with him?" Mark gulped as Renjun and Jisung began to argue. It was a known fact to never argue with Renjun. He was the nicest out of all of them, but he was also the most competitive. If he knew he was right, then he would be able to make up a whole 10-point argument about why he was right. Jisung, on the other hand, normally didn't get into fights, not wanting to cause any conflict within the group.

"I just don't like his existence," Jisung huffed out and got up from his seat, Felix and Seungmin following in pursuit. "Anyways, whatever, Renjun. Keep defending that weirdo as much as you want, I keep forgetting you're just like him."

Before Renjun could say anything else, they spun on their heels and left the hall. Renjun rolled his eyes at their dramatics and sighed to himself. "Running away, as per usual," he mumbled, casually peeling his wrapper off his wrap and brought it to his mouth. "I feel bad for Donghyuck, he doesn't deserve any of this."

Mark watched as Lucas hummed in agreement and turned to him, waiting for something. Mark didn't know what he was expecting, but he felt bad seeing the disappointment in his older friend.

-

"Hi, I'm Na Jaemin," the blonde held a hand out to Mark, surprising him as he looked up from his homework. The library was almost empty, apart from the few students to Mark's left. Jaemin blinked down at Mark before repeating himself. "I am Jaemin."

"Uh, yeah," Mark shook his hand and then dropped it to his lap. "I'm Mark."

"I know who you are," Jaemin smiled widely, taking the seat next to him. "You're friends with Renjun and Lucas. You see, I'm friends with Donghyuck and that's how I met them and we started—wait I'm getting off track," Mark almost felt laughing at how quickly Jaemin had changed the subject of the conversation, that was until he spoke again. "I'm here to talk about Donghyuck."

"Donghyuck?" Mark wondered what had been going on recently for everyone to suddenly start coming to him to ask him about Donghyuck. First, it was Baekhyun and Chanyeol, then his own parents kept shooting questions at him every time he came home ("How's Donghyuck?" They'd ask and he would be forced to give them a grin and a small, "great") and now Jaemin was on his case. Did Donghyuck say something to them?

"Yeah!" Jaemin casually played with the pen in front of Mark and then shyly ducked his head. "You know, I met Donghyuck a few weeks back, we were put next to each other in class. I wasn't quite sure what the teacher had said and asked Donghyuck for help in one of the questions and like," Jaemin chewed down on his lip; he was nervous. "I found him cute."

"You found him cute?" Mark echoed and Jaemin nodded, his cheeks flaring up.

"He had this soft smile on his face despite me not understanding the concept," Jaemin recalled fondly. "I ended up joining him for lunch and so on. We became friends and well—"

Jaemin paused for a moment, looking up at Mark in contemplation and the silence was killing the older. Well what? They became friends and now Jaemin knew that Mark had somehow accidentally pushed his friends to bullying Donghyuck? Now Jaemin was ready to lecture Mark the same way Renjun and Lucas did every other day? Or was he here to tell Mark that he—

"I like him," Jaemin confessed in a quiet voice, cutting off all of Mark's thoughts through one sentence. Mark gaped at Jaemin, his eyes wide open and his jaw dropping. Jaemin liked Donghyuck? As in romantically or platonically? Seeing the confusion on his face, Jaemin cleared his throat and said, "As in I want to date Donghyuck and give him the world."

"Oh," Mark stuttered out, still in shock.

"Yeah, oh," Jaemin shyly chewed on his lip. "So that's why I'm here. Donghyuck told me that you two were best friends when you were younger...I'm not quite sure if you are now, but you must know what kind of things Donghyuck likes right?"

"We were friends when we were younger, I can't guarantee you that I would know his current preferences," Mark answered, hoping Jaemin would drop the subject and leave him. "I don't think so—" 

"Here's my number," Jaemin slammed his hand down on the table, leaving a small piece of paper behind as he stood up. "Text me so we can talk about this, okay? I'm sure you can help, don't worry."

Jaemin flashed a grin at Mark and spun on his heels, running out of the library as he caught sight of Donghyuck round the corner. Mark's eyes stalked him out before his gaze dropped to the paper. He bit down on his lips nervously and then picked the paper up, awkwardly stuffing it into his pocket. There was no harm in helping someone, right?

-

The last time Mark had texted a stranger was ages ago. It had been Yerim after she had gotten a phone and was handing her number out to everyone. Mark was eager to get it, which was obvious since he wanted to be her boyfriend, and ended up spending an all-nighter with her. Jaemin wasn't a stranger, they knew each other well enough to be called acquaintances, but Mark was scared over his mind.

What if Donghyuck had found out that Jaemin had tried to talk to Mark? What if Donghyuck then told Jaemin everything? Everything about the engagement, the bullying, the suppressing. Mark was afraid. 

"Come on, Mark, you can do it."

Taking a deep breath after saying those words of encouragement to himself, Mark picked his phone up, punching the digits into his contacts and pulled up his messages app.

_Mark_

_hey Jaemin this is Mark_

Mark scrunched his nose up at his message, but watched closely as the ticks beneath his name quickly turned from one to two and then blue. 

_Na Jaemin_

_MARK I WAS SO SCARED YOU WOULDN'T MESSAGE ME (｡•́︿•̀｡)_

Mark stifled a laugh and typed in a response.

_Mark_

_yeah sorry I got busy_

_Na Jaemin_

_FOR A WHOLE WEEK??? ಠಿヮಠ_

_Mark_

_yeah for a whole week :)_

_Na Jaemin_

_My date with Donghyuck is literally tomorrow I'm panicking and you're laughing at me_

_Mark_

_your date?_

_Na Jaemin_

_MHMMM He finally agreed to go on a date with me_

Mark narrowed his eyes at the screen. Why was Donghyuck going on a date? What was going through his mind? Did he forget about the— oh. Mark paused and internally groaned. Stupid hypocrite. 

_Na Jaemin_

_So Mark wtf do I do ⊙﹏⊙_

_Mark_

_you know Donghyuck better than me probably, you should know what to do<_

_Na Jaemin_

_nOooOoOo I dontttt_

_Mark please just tell me what Donghyuck's ideal date was_

_I'm sure he must've told you_

Mark tore his eyes from his phone and thought carefully. He had spoken to Donghyuck that before when they were younger, tucked under a blanket in the living room watching a movie with both of their hands in a bowl of chips. Donghyuck had been the one to bring it up, looking up at 12 year old Mark and asked the question, "what would your ideal date be?"

It was a bit of a fuzzy memory, but Mark tried his best to remember it.

_Mark_

_i think he once said something about going to a _

_trampoline park before ordering takeout_

_and going home to eat it_

_oh and he wanted a purple rose or smth _

_Na Jaemin_

_He said TRAMPOLINE PARK AND THEN FOOD???_

_Does he want to have a bad stomach? Istg that child_

_Mark_

_i mean that is what he said when he was a kid. it might've changed by now_

_Na Jaemin_

_Well for now I'll go with what you're saying Mark Lee_

_Thank you for your cooperation (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡_

_Mark_

_no problem. but don't hold me to account if the date fails_

_Na Jaemin_

_Ofc not Mark Leeeeee_

_Now bye byeeeee ♡♡♡_

_Mark_

_bye_

Mark sighed to himself as he placed the phone on his chest. Donghyuck was going on a date. Donghyuck, the boy who seemed to be as enthusiastic about their engagement as their parents. Maybe the younger really had been acting this whole time. Of course he was, Mark thought to himself. He hated the engagement as much as he did, yet this whole time Mark had been treating him badly thinking he was fine with it happening. 

-

What Mark doesn't expect is when the day after Donghyuck arrives at his door, a frown etched on his face. Mark's parents were out at work so Mark invited the younger in, a little confused why he was at his house.

"Did you speak to Jaemin?" Donghyuck got straight to the point.

"Yeah, he met me in the library," Mark answered.

Donghyuck stared at him with a blank expression and Mark took note of how expressionless the younger was with him. No smiles were exchanged, no words of comfort, no appreciation of the others' existence. Some fiance's they were supposed to be. 

"Did you tell him my ideal date?" Donghyuck asked, his gaze not falling from Mark's eyes, which was so unlike him. The younger never looked Mark in the eyes, always gluing his eyes to the floor to avoid _disappointment_. 

"Why do you think I told him?" 

"Don't avoid the question, just answer it."

"He could've just figured it out by himself. Plus, I don't even remember you telling me your ideal—"

"The rose," Donghyuck whispered, his eyes glassy as he took a step forward. "Jaemin gave me a single purple rose."

"And?" Mark countered, hoping the sweat forming at his temple would go unnoticed. 

"The only person I have ever told about my ideal date," Donghyuck sighed deeply as he stood even closer to Mark. "Was you, Mark hyung. You were the only person who I've told that to."

Mark remained silent as Donghyuck smiled at him softly. He _smiled_.

"I'm just…" Donghyuck's smile widened and he pat Mark's side. "I'm glad you remembered. I know it's nothing to get happy over, but I'm glad you remembered something at least. I'm glad you didn't throw away all of our memories together like you did with your manners and values."

"Wait what—" Mark perked up, but was cut off when Donghyuck turned away from him.

"I'm going now, tell auntie and uncle I said hi, wait they might take it another way. Just don't even tell them I visited."

Donghyuck walked over to the door and paused by it, taking a few seconds to stand still. 

"And Mark hyung," Donghyuck glanced over his shoulder. "I had to ask, what do you think of me and Jaemin...dating?"

"Why are you asking me?" Mark questioned, awkwardly scratching his arm. Donghyuck shot him a look and rolled his eyes. 

"Because we're engaged and will get married in the future." Mark cringed at Donghyuck's choice of words before nodding his head.

"Yeah, I don't care. You can date Jaemin."

Donghyuck blinked at him before bursting into a wide smile.

"Wrong answer, but thanks! I'll get going now."

With that, Donghyuck ran out of the house, the door shutting behind him with a loud slam and Mark was left staring at his back through the window. Donghyuck seemed a lot cheerier than usual. For once he smiled at Mark, and that was the only thing he could think about.


	7. My reality is getting heavy, I guess everything will be difficult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark is a pacifist. Donghyuck fought back? Everyone will find out.

Mark never got involved in fights. He was a sort of peaceful person when it came to that. When he was younger and someone insulted him on Facebook - yes, he was born in the generation that used Facebook first - instead of meeting them in school and having a fight over it like everyone else normally did, Mark simply deleted their comment and pushed down the horrible feeling of self-doubt that crept up in him. It was a nasty feeling that made Mark feel sick and want to bury himself in his blankets and cry his eyes out. But he tried his best to forget it. There was nothing wrong with being a peaceful person, Mark believed, in fact, he was doing people a favour by not getting involved in anything, but even he knew his limits. 

Watching Donghyuck get bullied throughout primary school was something he regretted doing, maybe if he helped Donghyuck wouldn’t have become so anti-social and scared of interacting with people. But then again, if he helped him, then people might have started looking at him differently as if there was something wrong with him to have defended Donghyuck. (They did that to some kid that once told them to stop and Mark never heard of the kid again — apparently he moved).

He knew it was wrong - Donghyuck was his best friend at some point, he knows. But then what would people think of him? He couldn’t risk being looked at the same was Donghyuck was looked at; looks of disgust and disappointment. 

However, Mark did have his limits. As he walked through the school building, discovering a hallway he never knew of before, he heard yells that sounded familiar round the corner. So with a curious mind, Mark crept around the corner to find Jaemin glaring at Jisung, but it wasn’t only them. Behind Jaemin was Donghyuck leaning against the wall, blood trickling down his chin and a grimace plastered over his face. Renjun was holding onto his arm with an unsure Lucas awkwardly patting his head. Mark had no idea what was going on, but he hoped he wouldn’t get involved.

“What’s your problem? Why can’t you leave Donghyuck alone?” Jaemin hissed, his hands clenched into fists, knuckles were white and Mark was actually scared of him for a moment. 

“You wouldn’t understand because you’re just as weird as him,” Jisung scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

"Just as weird as him?" Jaemin mocked. "What are you, a primary school kid, going around and calling people names because you have nothing else to do? How pathetic are you to be beating someone up for no reason?"

"I have a reason," Jisung retorted. "He pisses me off."

"How?" Jaemin sighed out of frustration. 

Mark blinked at the scene in confusion and glanced over at Donghyuck. His knuckles were bursted and Jisung's bottom lip was bleeding. Donghyuck had fought back. He never did. Only when it included his parents. Mark felt sick again. 

"He has two dads," Jisung finally spat out, looking down at Donghyuck in a condescending manner. "That's not okay."

"And who are you to say that?" Jaemin chuckled, the underlying anger in his tone making Mark shift on his heels uncomfortably. Donghyuck took a deep breath, his fists clenching at the mention of his parents. "Who are you to judge Donghyuck or his parents? Who are you to say it isn't okay? We're living in twenty-twenty for God's sake, why are you acting like a nineteenth century, homophobic old man?"

Jisung shut his mouth at that and chose to settle on glaring. 

"And how long has this been going on for?" Jaemin turned around to look at Donghyuck. "Why haven't you filed a report against him yet? Why haven't you fought back."

"I don't care," Donghyuck answered and even Mark's eyebrows raised at that. (He never truly knew why Donghyuck never complained about Jisung and his friends). "It's his way to feel better about himself and me reporting him will only feed his ego, the fact that he managed to make me go over the edge."

"That doesn't make sense! That isn't right!" Jaemin shook his head, turning back to Jisung. "You will report him today, Donghyuck."

"Report me all you want, remember, Donghyuck. I'll do what I promised to do if you report me." Jisung looked smug, smiling wickedly when hesitation flashed through Donghyuck's eyes. What was he talking about? Mark frowned and was about to think more on it when Jisung snapped his head towards Mark. “Oh. Hey, Mark. Come here.” 

Mark felt his blood run cold as Jaemin’s piercing eyes turned to him, softening for a moment but realisation seemed to get through as Mark took small steps towards Jisung.

“You’re friends with him?” Jaemin pointed at Jisung and Mark diverted his eyes to the ground, feeling uncomfortable under the sudden attention. He could hear Renjun’s scolding in his ears, telling him to stop all of this before it got too far, but he never listened. He never thought it would get to this point. “I knew it. When Donghyuck said you were best friends and one point but then something happened, I should’ve known it was because you cared more about highschool politics than him.”

Shame rushed through him, but what would Jaemin know? Sure, Donghyuck may have suffered because he left his side, but Mark wasn’t Donghyuck’s babysitter. Renjun and Lucas were also at fault. They knew about the whole situation and had been friends with Donghyuck since primary school, but had they ever stood up for Donghyuck? Had they ever intervened in a fight and argued with the people harassing him? No. Of course they didn't. Instead, they hid behind the crowd of students until it was all clear. Only then would they get on the floor and guide Donghyuck to the infirmary, tending to his injuries with a guilty expression. They were also cowards. They hid behind Mark. So why was Jaemin only angry with him? He wasn’t the only one afraid. 

“Jaemin, drop it,” Donghyuck said as he suddenly appeared behind Jaemin, a gentle hand on his shoulder. Donghyuck’s eyes met Mark’s and they both quickly looked away. “Mark didn’t do anything.”

“Exactly! He didn’t do anything!” Jaemin threw his hands up in dismay before glaring at Jisung one more time. “If I ever see you near Donghyuck again, I swear I won’t go easy on you.”

“Oh no, I’m so scared.” Jisung was about to laugh at his own joke when Jaemin’s patience ran out. Jisung felt a fist come in contact with his cheek and stumbled onto the ground, his cheek reddening from the punch. Satisfaction ran through Jaemin and he turned to Mark. 

“And you,” Jaemin held a finger out to Mark. but Donghyuck was quick to bring it down again. 

“Jaemin, please,” Donghyuck mumbled and Jaemin immediately calmed down at the tone of his voice. “Let’s just go, yeah?”

A few moments passed, Mark kept his eyes to the ground as Jaemin glared at him before he finally took a deep breath and sighed. “Fine, let’s go.”

The two walked down the hallway (and Jaemin definitely didn’t barge past Mark), leaving only Mark, Jisung, Renjun and Lucas alone. Renjun and Lucas were quick to move from their place to leave through the same way the other two did. Jisung remained on the floor, his eyes burning with anger as he stared at Mark.

"What the hell, Mark?" Jisung huffed, getting up from the floor and shoved Mark with his hands. "Why did you just stand there? Why didn't you fight him?"

"You know I don't fight people," he tried, weakly. But Jisung wasn't taking it. 

"I'm supposed to be your best friend! You're supposed to back me up in everything."

"You weren't doing the right thing," Mark mumbled, hoping Jisung wouldn't hear, but he did.

"The right thing? What do you mean by that?" Jisung scoffed, pushing Mark once again. "Listen here, you were the one who used to make fun out of that shithead. You started all of this. If anything, you're the one at fault."

"But you—"

"Don't even try," Jisung chuckled, shaking his head with a hand outstretched towards Mark. "When he first came to us, you made a joke about him. You insulted him. You laughed at him. After we started messing around with him, all you did was remain quiet. In the end, Mark you're still to blame. Doing nothing is worse than the actual actions. So just take the fucking blame."

Was he really to blame? Was he the one at fault? The only one? But he never liked hurting Donghyuck, it made him feel bad. He never liked watching the bruises on Donghyuck only grow every time he visited their house. He never supported Jisung and his antics; it was wrong, he knew. Mark didn't say anything nor did he do anything, but that was because he was scared. He was scared that he would end up falling victim to Jisung. 

Who would help him? 

"If that idiot takes my name in this," Jisung held up an accusing finger to Mark. "If he says my name, know that I will blame it all on you and the school will support me. You're the cause of this, remember."

Jisung glared at him one more time before leaving the area. Mark exhaled the breath he was holding onto and held a hand up to his head. He was worried for Donghyuck, he was worried for himself, but he was more worried about his life. Will Yerim leave him after this? She had previously said that she didn't care about social standings, that she would date anyone as long as they were a nice person, but didn't everyone say that? After this incident, Jisung would tell everyone that Mark Lee is nothing but a coward who hides behind others, right? Will Yerim leave him? 

Tears stung Mark's eyes as his breathing became erratic. She wouldn't, Yerim wouldn't. She said she liked Mark and that was not because he was popular in school. She said she liked Mark for who he was, not for the people he was with. 

She wouldn't leave him, right? 

-

_Mark ♡_

_u still up for our date?_

_Yerim ♡_

_Sorry bb 😞 _

_Parents said I can't leave for this week 😭_

_Maybe next week?_

But Mark won't have till next week. News spreads fast in highschool. Everyone has some form of technology and if they don't, they have that one friend that holds all the gossip in school. So Mark's sure that by tomorrow everyone would find out what happened today. Everyone would find out that Mark is a coward. 

He's a little worried his parents might get informed, for some weird reason he thought it would be a great idea if his parents would become friends with his friends' parents. Would they get angry at him? What kind of question was that? Of course, they would get angry at him. They adored Donghyuck, they treated him like their own child ever since he was born. Mark wouldn't be surprised if they ended up disowning him. 

_Mark _

_Sure :D_


	8. Mad City, I don't know how you'll view me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck fights. Everyone knows.

Mark was sixteen and a half when he got dumped for the first time.

Honestly, he should've expected it. The way Yerim ignored his calls, shot him a dirty look when she thought he wasn't looking, and the way she avoided him in school with her excuses. _Her excuses_. They were horrible and painfully obvious. ("My parents took my phone away," she said, clutching onto her phone as she smiled at Mark in a condescending manner. "I'll talk to you later, Mark".)

But when Yerim actually broke up with him, it could've been a better place. Definitely not a party celebrating Lucas' 17th birthday.

Mark didn't know whether or not he should go, especially after what had happened in the past few days, but Lucas was his best friend, and what kind of friend would he be if he missed his birthday? (Still a bad friend, his mind provided).

"Mark," Lucas said in surprise as he opened the door. The two shared an awkward smile before Lucas let him in, leaning against his door to give him entry. Mark shuffled in, his head lowered in shame when he caught sight of Renjun staring at him.

Why was he feeling shame in the first place? What had he done wrong? Not taken Jisung's side? Not defended Donghyuck? What would've changed if he had done any of them? Either way, Yerim would still hate him. Mark frowned at the thought and followed Lucas around his house.

His parents had allowed Lucas to call his friends over as they went to his grandma's house. Mark knew this only because Lucas had told him his plans for his birthday a week ago, before the entire incident happened. His chest felt heavy at the thought that maybe Lucas didn't want him to come.

"It's nice to see you, Mark," Lucas said once they reached the kitchen, the only place where there was silence. The music wasn't loud like it normally was, probably because Renjun said so, and the lights were just slightly dimmed out. It looked more like a friends gathering than a party, to be honest. "Renjun wanted it to be peaceful," Lucas spoke up again when he noticed Mark had been looking around. "You know he doesn't like loud music and dark rooms."

"Yeah," Mark nodded slowly, taking the cup of mango juice Lucas handed to him. "I'm guessing he doesn't like alcohol either?"

"No, that was me," Lucas chuckled and then took a sip of his juice. "I don't want to spend my seventeenth birthday drunk and exhausted. Rather spend it knowing that Renjun is finally my boyfriend."

"He gave in?" Mark asked, surprised. Renjun had been rejecting Lucas for almost a whole year now, it was shocking news.

"Donghyuck convinced him," Lucas smiled, only to realise Mark had frozen up at the mention of his fiance. "Uh— sorry?"

"No need to apologise," Mark cleared his throat. Why did he get so scared after hearing Donghyuck's name? "Anyways, where is Renjun? I saw him a while ago."

"He's with—" before Lucas could finish his sentence, Mark heard someone yell from the living room and silence followed. Lucas glanced at him and they exchanged looks before hurrying over to the other room, confused.

"Stop it, Donghyuck," Mark heard and he stopped in the hallway, Lucas continued without him. Donghyuck? Mark's heartbeat fastened as he trailed after Lucas to the room. What was Donghyuck doing here— what kind of question was that? Donghyuck was Lucas' friend, of course he would be here. With a hand to his chest, Mark took steady steps and entered the room. What he saw wasn't something he had expected.

"She needs to apologise," Donghyuck said, pointing his finger at Yerim, who was leaning against the wall with shock plastered over her face. Although Mark was curious about what happened to Yerim, he was more surprised to see Donghyuck holding Jisung to the ground, his other hand clutching tightly onto Jisung's collar. "She needs to apologise, right now."

"Donghyuck," Jaemin put his hand on the shorters' shoulder and attempted to pull him away from Jisung, but Donghyuck stood his ground. Mark had no idea what was going on.

"Don't stop me, Jaemin. Either she goes and tells Mark the truth, or I beat this idiot up," Donghyuck looked down at Jisung, who only returned his glare with a smug smile. Why were they fighting? Why was Jisung at Lucas' birthday party? Especially after what had happened in the past week. Was Lucas still friends with Jisung? Was Mark the only one who was forced to eat lunches alone and get brushed past by everyone?

"Mark," his stomach dropped when he realised it was Yerim who had called out to him. She was looking at him with wide eyes. But she didn't look scared, just shocked. "You're here?"

"What's going on?" Lucas questioned, ignoring the way Mark remained still by his side even after Yerim repeated herself. "Explain, what the hell happened here?"

"Tell him, Yerim," Donghyuck hissed, his grip on Jisung tightening. The smirk on the older's face didn't disappear, however. Instead, he continued to snicker under his breath.

"Why should she explain?" Jisung forcefully pushed Donghyuck off himself and stood up, patting away imaginary dust on his knees before turning to Lucas. "I'll tell you." He shot a look at Donghyuck before beginning. "You see, Yerim over here was tired of waiting for Mark, who had been avoiding her for the past week—"

"What?" Mark interrupted him and took a step forward. "I wasn't avoiding her, she was!"

"Don't lie," Jisung shook his head, the smile on his face widening. "I saw the way you turned corners every time you came across her. Now imagine how heartbroken Yerim must've been to find out that her boyfriend, Mark Lee, was running away from her."

Jisung took Yerim's hand and pulled her close. "So being the nice guy that I am," Jisung continued, running his hand through Yerim's hair. "I tried to cheer her up, because she looked pretty down, didn't she?" Jisung shot the question to the small audience that had gathered up. They all glanced at each other before nodding. Sheep, Mark thought, clenching his hands into fists.

"But Donghyuck over here," Jisung turned to point at the boy in question. "He got annoyed, but for what reason? He wasn't close with Mark, right? He never spent any time with Mark, neither did he ever talk to him."

Mark watched as Jaemin intertwined his fingers with Donghyuck, Jisung's eyes following the movement.

"That was until Yerim told me a little secret that the two had been hiding for years." Mark's heart dropped. What did he mean by that? "Why don't you tell them, Yerim?"

The girl sighed and then turned to face Mark, a bored expression on her face.

"When I visited Mark's house, he refused to call me his girlfriend. At first, I didn't quite suspect it. I mean, you can't just go to your parents and say you're dating, it's not that easy," Yerim nodded and then leaned on Jisung. "But then, I was once talking to his parents and saw a picture of a kid in the living room. When I asked them, they told me it was Donghyuck. Weird, right?"

"Me being close with Donghyuck when we were kids doesn't matter at all," Mark finally spoke up, breaking everyone out of their trance. "I didn't do anything wrong."

"You did," Yerim huffed in annoyance, her eyes suddenly watered. She sniffled and wiped at her cheeks roughly, smudging her makeup. "You cheated on me with Donghyuck."

"What?" Mark froze and everyone in their room snapped their heads in surprise. Where did she get that idea? "What the fuck are you talking about? Why would you think that?"

"Your parents told me that you're engaged to Donghyuck," Yerim finished her sentence and ended it with more dramatics, lowering her head to sniffle a few more times. Jisung wrapped his arms around her and as much as Mark wanted to be angry at them, his heart was racing at the thought that _everyone knew._ They knew he was engaged to Donghyuck. _They knew_.

"Mark," Lucas put a steady hand on his arm and leaned close. "Is that true?"

Mark flinched away from the question and quickly stole a look at Donghyuck. It was a bad decision, because Donghyuck was staring at him with equal fear in his eyes. Taking a step back, Mark let out a shaky breath as Lucas repeated his question. His chest ached and he hurriedly spun around, ignoring the way Lucas reached out to him.

He had to get out.

Mark pushed through the crowd around the door and ran to the exit. He had to get out, he had to go home.

His breath quickened as he rushed out of the house, the cold air slapping him across the face as he took no break. He heard someone call his name out, but the ringing in his ears tuned it out. They were going to tell everyone, weren't they? They'd find out that Mark was engaged to someone else but had been dating Yerim. But Mark never agreed with the engagement, technically it didn't even exist! They had no proof, just verbal discussions. However, who was going to believe him? Everyone loved Yerim with their entire heart — Mark did as well — and Jisung was someone no one ever fought against. Who would listen to him? Did anyone even trust him, or believe in him?

"Mark!" A hand grabbed his shoulder and he was tackled to the ground. His wrists were pulled up to his head and pinned down as someone kneeled over him. "Stop running!"

"Donghyuck?" Mark panted, his head hurt from when he got dragged to the ground. "What—what are you—"

"I told you to stop running," Donghyuck breathed out slowly, his chest rising and dropping as he took a second to gather himself. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, get off me." Mark tugged at his hands, but Donghyuck's grip tightened. He could escape easily, both Donghyuck and himself knew, but he didn't. "I said, get off me."

"Only after you tell me if you're okay," Donghyuck argued, frowning when Mark averted his eyes. "How do you feel?"

"Why are you asking me? You don't care about me," Mark said, childishly looking away every time Donghyuck leaned over.

"If I didn't care for you, do you really think I would've left Lucas' birthday to come check on you?" Donghyuck asked, loosening his grip. Mark took his chance and pushed Donghyuck off himself, angrily getting to his feet and took large steps towards his house. "Mark, wait up. Stop running away from everything."

"I'm fine, Donghyuck. You can leave me alone," Mark called out and then stopped, turning to face the younger. "You don't have to pretend to care about me."

"Why do you think I don't care?" Donghyuck yelled in frustration. The lights to Mark's house switched on and they both cursed under their breaths. "Mark, listen to me. I care about you alright. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine! Why don't you just go back to Jaemin?"

"I will, after knowing that you're 100 percent fine. I know you, Mark. We were friends at one point, don't forget that. I know that you're not okay."

"Then why ask?" Mark's shoulder slumped down and he pushed Donghyuck away from himself. "Why ask if you know I'm not okay? Can't you just leave me alone?"

"Mark!" He heard his mum call out. _Great_, he thought as he retracted his hands from Donghyuck. "What are you doing? Leave Donghyuck alone."

"I didn't do anything wrong," Mark held his head in his hands as he felt everything burden his chest once again. Why did they think he was in the wrong? Why did everyone immediately think he was the bad person? First, they believed Yerim and Jisung, now his own parents didn't have any trust in their son. Did no one have any faith in him? Mark felt sick.

"We saw you push him," his dad said, putting an arm around Donghyuck and he quickly asked him if he was okay. "What's wrong with you? Why would you do that?"

"I did nothing wrong," Mark repeated, his eyes stinging at the realisation that _no one trusted him_. "I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't—"

Mark stumbled backwards and then glanced up with frustration. His parents flinched at the sight of their son crying.

"Why don't you ask Donghyuck what he did wrong?" Mark questioned, pointing at the younger, who only stared at him with an unreadable expression. "Why is it always me? Why don't you have any trust in your own son? Is it because Donghyuck's better than me? Do you like him more? Is that it?"

His parents shook their heads, but Mark saw the way they shuffled closer to Donghyuck. They like Donghyuck more.

"Donghyuck," Mark kept his finger pointing at the smaller boy. "He—he also did something bad. He— it wasn't only me! Donghyuck— he's dating someone."

"What?" All three of the people standing in front of him said in confusion. Why would he bring something like that up at this time? Mark didn't know himself. He just wanted to prove that Donghyuck wasn't as perfect as they thought he was.

"He has a boyfriend."

Mark wasn't thinking straight. What was he doing? Why was he doing this? Because he didn't do anything wrong.

"You do?" His mum turned to Donghyuck.

"I—I," Donghyuck stammered and cleared his throat. "So does Mark! He has a girlfriend."

"What?" His parents glanced between them in shock and then held a hand up. "Alright, that's enough for tonight. Both of you, go back home and get some sleep. We'll talk about this in the morning."

"Why?" Mark shook his head. "Why in the morning? You were ready to call me out in the middle of the night over Donghyuck, but now that you know he's also at fault, you want to talk in the morning?"

"Mark, we're not against you. It's not the best time to talk about this."

Mark didn't care if he woke his neighbours up. He didn't care if his neighbours blamed him for ruining their sleep.

"You are! You are against me!" Mark glared at Donghyuck. "Both of you have always supported Donghyuck instead of me!"

"We haven't," his dad frowned. "We care about both of you."

"Stop lying!" Just as Mark finished his sentence, he felt a hand come in contact with his cheek. The force made his stumble and he stared down at the floor with shock. He was slapped. By who? Mark forced himself to glance up to find Donghyuck looking down at him with glassy eyes. Donghyuck slapped him. _Donghyuck slapped him_. "You!"

Mark grabbed Donghyuck's shirt and shoved him to the ground, ready to land a punch on him when his dad pulled him back.

"Mark Lee!" His dad shouted. Mark froze with his fist up in the air. "Get out of my sights, now."

Mark breathed heavily as he felt their gazes on him.

"I said, now!" His dad repeated, giving his arm a push towards the house.

Without sparing a glance, Mark took large steps back to his house. He kicked his shoes off at the entrance and climbed the stairs. He could hear his parents asking Donghyuck if he was fine. His eyes burned as the warm tears finally rolled down his cheeks. Throwing his clothes off, Mark got into bed and pulled the blanket over his head.

In the end, Mark was always at fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Yeri and Han Jisung. I feel bad for making them so bad in this 😭
> 
> Also, Happy Haechan Day 🎉
> 
> Remember to spread awareness about BLM ♡


	9. Out of breath, it's an emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all know. Mark needs air.

The first thing that Mark noticed when he went back to school after the weekend was that _everyone's staring at him._ A strange cold and uncomfortable feeling was over him throughout the whole day. He only realised this when he was sitting in registration, lazily flipping through a book he had to read in English literature. His mind was too clouded that he didn't manage to make notes on the chapter they were assigned for over the weekend.

At first, Mark caught the subtle looks people sitting next to him sent his way, then he realised that nearly everyone in the class were sending him dirty looks. It caused him to shrink in his seat a little and his stomach twisted. Did they know? Did they know about the fight that happened at Lucas' birthday? Did they know about what his relationship with Donghyuck was? It honestly wouldn't be much of a surprise if that was the case, rumours tend to spread fast and especially when they involve some of the more well known people in school. Someone like Yerim and Jisung. 

No one said anything to Mark through registration, and he thanked God they didn't, because he had no idea how he would've reacted. He probably would've just pushed them aside and run away from everyone. Running away always seems like the best option. 

But then he's halfway through his second lesson when a girl sitting next to him shuffled her seat away from him. The sound of the metal scraping against the floor echoed in the silent room, and everyone turned to see what had happened. 

"What's wrong, Chaeyoung?" Their teacher asked, eyeing the way the girl refused to bump elbows with Mark. 

"I don't want to sit with Mark," she answered, sparing him a disgusted look before moving her chair once again, this time shaking the table and causing his pens to fall off the table.

"Chaeyoung, this really isn't the time to be whining over being sat next to a boy, you have exams just next week," their teachers huffed and was about to turn around when Chaeyoung continued. 

"Miss, I'm not going to sit next to a cheater."

Mark froze as everyone snickered under their breath. Cheater? What did they mean by cheater? Did they believe Yerim and her lies? 

"Please don't discuss personal issues in class," their teacher said, but then looked at Mark the same way everyone else was. Their teacher had a glint of distaste in her eyes. Mark felt his heart drop and he could feel his heartbeat in his head, increasing by the second. Everyone thought he was at fault, again. They thought he was wrong, again. They believed other people, again. When would someone believe in him?

"I'm still not sitting next to him," Chaeyoung childishly crossed her arms and pushed herself away from the table. "Can you please move me, Miss?"

Seeing that denying Chaeyoung would cause the lesson to slow down even further, their teacher glanced around the room with annoyance. "Who wants to sit next to Mark?"

Silence. No one raised their hands. No one wanted to sit next to him. Everyone thought he was horrible. Mark felt his eyes stinging. 

Their teacher sighed noisily and then pulled a chair by her desk. "Mark, come sit here."

Mark wanted to say no. Why should he move when he did nothing wrong? If Chaeyoung didn't feel comfortable sitting with him, she could always move. He wanted to tell them the truth. Why should he be blamed for Yerim's unfaithfulness? He wanted to clear his image, because he hadn't done anything wrong! Why did no one understand that? Why did they all have to believe Yerim and Jisung? Why couldn't they believe Mark? Were his words not trustworthy. 

But then his teacher repeated herself and the entire class laughed when he got up and accidentally dropped his book on the ground. He bent down to pick it up and let out shaky breaths through his nose. His chest hurt. It felt like his lungs weren't allowing any air in. Ignoring the pain, Mark scurried over to the teacher's desk, not being able to bear any more embarrassment. 

Mark thought that would be the end of it, but clearly it wasn't. 

Throughout the whole day, Mark found himself on the verge of tears multiple times.   
  
  
  
  


-  
  
  


  
"Dinners ready," his mum said as she opened the door to his room. Light shed into his room and only then Mark realised that it was night already. He had come home and immediately stuck his head into his books, not finding anything else to do at home. He couldn't talk to his friends— what friends — either, and watching TV wasn't distracting enough. 

Mark barely managed to glance up from his book and his mum had gone back downstairs. It had been over a week since his parents last spoke to Mark properly. Perhaps they were waiting for an apology, one that they were never going to get. After all, what should Mark apologise for? He was the one who was upset with them, feeling betrayed because they chose to side with Donghyuck than him. 

With a sigh, Mark pushed himself away from the table and stood up, his bones making a creaking sound because of how long he had hunched by his desk. As he made his way down the corridor, he remembered the way Renjun and Lucas had looked at him at school. They had the same gaze on their face. But when they turned to look at Donghyuck, it was replaced by one with affection. That didn't make any sense. If they thought that Mark cheated on Yerim with Donghyuck, then why didn't they think the same for Donghyuck? He was with Jaemin, wasn't he? Why was Mark the only one to blame for everything?

"Take a seat," his dad muttered once he entered the room. Mark almost left after he saw his dad sigh heavily, but decided against it when his stomach growled. "How was school?"

It was just a normal question, but Mark felt rage bubble in him. That was the first thing he said to Mark after avoiding him for a week? And what was Mark supposed to answer with, that school was an absolute hell. Everyday he went there 

by his locker, someone would be by his locker, vandalising it or applying glue to the gaps so that he wouldn't be able to open it and miss out on his lessons. 

But then there was Donghyuck, who was smiling more than usual now. Jaemin went wherever Donghyuck went and Renjun and Lucas followed the two. It just proved Mark's thought that he had no one to trust. 

"Your dad asked you a question." Mark looked up from his empty plate and locked eyes with his dad, who flinched at his hard gaze.

"It's okay." He wanted to tell the truth, but what would happen? They clearly didn't care about how he was before, if they did they would've asked him a week ago, so what was the point in telling them now? 

"How's Donghyuck?" 

Mark grit his teeth together and clenched his jaw. Of course, they were only talking to Mark to ask about Donghyuck. The person they actually care about. "Why don't you ask him that yourself?"

His mum frowned. "Well we might have, if you didn't ruin our relations with him."

"I didn't ruin anything," Mark mumbled and his parents apparently caught it.

"What did you say?" His mum asked, her face failed to mask her anger. 

"I said, I didn't ruin anything," Mark increased the volume of his voice and his mum let out a laugh. 

"Donghyuck hadn't come to our house since the incident," she said, looking distressed that the younger boy hadn't even given them a call. "He comes once every week, just so that we can catch up. Baekhyun hasn't replied to any of your dad's messages and Chanyeol refuses every invitation I've given him. What do you think that's because of?"

"It's not my fault," Make shrugged his shoulders, his voice wavering.

"It's not your fault?" His dad echoed, looking offended. "So who's fault is it then? Ours? It is my fault? That I didn't raise you well."

Mark averted his eyes to the ground as they continued to yell at him. What was the point in retaliating anyways? He was going to get the blame whether he was involved or not. 

"I've been friends with them since we were in highschool!" His dad leans back in his chair, he looks like he's on the verge of tears. Mark refused to look at him. "Highschool, Mark. I know what they're like, and they've never acted this way with me. Whenever we had arguments, we would always meet up and talk things out. But now they're refusing to even acknowledge my existence. My 22-year old friendship went into the drain, and for what reason?"

His mum put a hand on his dad's hand and muttered, "Junmyeon" in an attempt to calm him down. 

"Because my 16 year old son can't keep his hormones in check and had to push away their only son!" 

Mark stood up from the table abruptly, starling his parents. "I didn't ask to get engaged to Donghyuck! I don't like Donghyuck in that way, but you guys never asked me how I felt about it. You always pushed him in my direction, but I don't like him! I don't even like guys, did you ever wonder if I did? Did you even think about asking me about that? Then again, why would you? You didn't even wait till I was older to force an engagement onto me."

His parents looked at him with surprise and he continued. "I liked Yerim and she said she liked me back, but then she found out about Donghyuck, and guess what she did. She told everyone. Now everyone thinks I cheated on Yerim with Donghyuck and—"

Mark paused to take a deep breath before stumbling backwards, his parents flinched to help him but he shook his head. "No."

"Mark!" His mum yelled after him as he walked over to the door. It was his fault again, wasn't it? He made his dad cry, his mum sad and his uncles angry with them.

Mark grabbed a jacket from the hook by the door and stuffed his feet into shoes. He had to leave, he needed air. 

He could hear his mum calling out for him as he left the door, but he couldn't face them at that moment. They blamed him as well. Like everyone else, they blamed him. 

Mark's breaths came out short as he walked through the streets. It was night, dark and cold, but Mark couldn't care less about that. He just needed to get away from his parents, from everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you all hate Mark, but give him time


	10. Look back at what I've lost (Countless things I've lost)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark came back. Year 13's coming to an end

Mark comes back when its half-past midnight, a little damp from the light rain that had started just a few minutes after he left. His shoes were slightly ripped from the side because of how long he had run for and his throat was parched. He caught sight of his parents sitting in the living room, their head in their hands and the lights dimmed out. At the sound of the door opening, his dad jumped up from his seat, his eyes red-rimmed and Mark felt terrible. It was his fault again, wasn't it?

"Mark!" His dad yelled, hurrying over to the door, tripping over a few shoes that were misplaced. He immediately wrapped his arms around his son and pulled him close, ignoring the way Mark's arms remained glued to his side. "Where were you? Where did you run off to? We were so worried—"

"I'm sorry," Mark muttered, lowering his head in shame. His parents froze by his side and slowly pulled away, looking a little surprised at the sudden apology, as if they had forgotten their argument during his disappearance. "I shouldn't have run away like that and I shouldn't have been angry at you guys. I'm sorry."

Before his parents could say anything else, probably give a half-assed apology back and hope for him to accept the engagement, Mark shrugged their hands off himself and began to make his way up the stairs.

There was no point arguing with his parents, he figured that out when he cried his eyes out on a bench in the park, hoping the people who passed by him would pretend they couldn't see his tears (they did and a few gave him some tissues — he would've preferred they acted as if he didn't exist). His parents were always hard-headed. They believed their opinion was superior to Mark's, after all, they were his parents, they had more experience in life. They would know better. 

Mark shut the door to his room and slid down, pulling his knees to his chest once he was seated. His head hurt and he didn't know what to do. His friends had left him, no one believed him and he was pretty sure everyone in his year thought of him as a weirdo. His perfect highschool life was ruined. There was really no point in trying to fix anything. 

Mark wanted to blame Donghyuck for it all. If the younger boy was never part of his life this wouldn't have happened. Yerim wouldn't have had a reason to break up with him, Jisung would still be his friend, Renjun and Lucas wouldn't have abandoned him as quickly as they did and maybe, just maybe, his parents would've loved him more than they currently did. 

But then again, Donghyuck wasn't to blame for Yerim losing interest in him, or for Jisung to cut off their weak friendship, or for Renjun and Lucas having been completely useless friends. Maybe he was to blame for Mark's relationship with his parents. At least there was one thing Mark could hate Donghyuck for with his whole heart.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  
  


Studying seemed a lot easier now that nothing was distracting him. He had no one to speak to on his phone, there was no one offering him help for his subjects. His teachers were useless, barely providing him with any help when he asked them which universities would be best for the course he had chosen. Again, there was no one there for Mark to lean on.

"Mark," he heard someone say his name. Raising his head as slow as he could, so that the person standing opposite him would get the idea that Mark wasn't interested, he wondered who it could've been. Who would bother talking to him now, after months of being shunned by everyone? "Are you okay?"

It came as a surprise to see Donghyuck staring down at him. Mark paused. It felt strange, being the one who was looked down upon. It brought a chuckle out of Mark. After everything he had done throughout his life, he ended up being in the position he thought he would never end up in. He was where he thought Donghyuck would be.

"Are you okay?" Donghyuck repeated his question. He looked a little worried, or maybe he was just here to show off how much better off he was than Mark. "You look sick."

"I'm fine, Donghyuck," Mark answered, returning his gaze to his book. Mark felt uncomfortable looking at Donghyuck in the eyes. He didn't know why. Was it because of what happened with Yerim and Jisung? Or was it because he didn’t like the look on Donghyuck’s face. Why was Donghyuck looking at him with such soft eyes? "Why are you here?"

"Just to check up on you," Donghyuck replied, taking a seat in front of Mark. "Are you sure you're fine?"

"Remember the last time you asked me that question?" Mark sighed and glanced up with a tired expression. "And I told you I was fine, but you didn't leave me alone. Remember what happened?"

Donghyuck remained silent for a while, looking over Mark's face as if he was trying to get something out of him. Whatever it was, he seemed to have not found it as Donghyuck got up with a roll of his eyes. "Fine, if you want me to leave that badly then I will."

Was Mark supposed to be happy watching Donghyuck make his way out of the library? Because instead of it bringing a smile to his face Mark felt his heart drop. Donghyuck didn't stay like he normally would've, he didn't go against what Mark said and continued asking him questions. For once he just left. Was that normal? 

Was it bad that Mark was sad that Donghyuck left? But then again, of course, Donghyuck left. It’s not as if Mark ever stayed back with him. 

  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  


A week before Mark’s final exams, he came home to find a box sitting upon his desk. It was dark blue and had a small letter attached to it. Even without reading the letter, Mark knew what was written. He saw red.

“What is this?” Mark asked once he reached the living room. His parents tore their eyes off the TV screen to spare Mark a look before exchanging looks. His dad switched the TV off.

“It’s a box,” his dad answered as if he didn't know what Mark was referring to.

“I can see as much,” Mark rolled his eyes, earning a grunt from his mum. “But what's inside it?”

“I don't know, you tell me.”

Mark’s anger only grew. They had the nerve to leave a ring in a box in his room and then act like this. Out of frustration, Mark opened the box and held the silver band towards his parents with a raised eyebrow. 

“A ring?” He scoffed. “Even after I repeatedly told you that I don't want to marry Donghyuck, you shoved this into my face?”

“Have you read the letter?” His mum questioned, eyeing the blue piece of paper clutched between Mark’s fingers. He looked down at it and then shook his head. “In the letter, Chanyeol and Baekhyun said they’re willing to give you another—"

“I don't want it!” Mark cried, throwing the box and paper to the ground. “I don't want this ring, this second chance, this engagement. Please! Please just leave me alone!”

“Don't speak to your mum like that,” his dad stood up and picked up the ring and paper. “You’re so ungrateful! They finally give you a chance to redeem yourself and fix the issue between our family, but instead, you chose to throw it onto the floor?”

“As I said before,” Mark took a deep breath and held a hand to his temple. “I don't want this chance. How many times do I have to say this to you two before you'll understand?”

A few moments of silence went by as Mark breathed heavily, looking at the two expectantly. Hoping for a response that wouldn't contain him getting married to Donghyuck.

“Go to your room,” his mum finally whispered, the disappointment in her voice placed a burden on his shoulders. “Go to your room and don't take the ring. Don't accept the engagement, leave us to break a promise we made with our best friends, even if that means they'll break our friendship.”

“They wouldn't do that,” Mark countered,but then his mum looked up at him with glassy eyes.

“Please, Mark. Just leave.”

Mark turned around and left. He did it again, didn't he? He made his mum cry. He was at fault once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been using the British system of schools, well that's cause I'm British, so I might as well explain it. So Mark was in year 12 (16 years old) at the start of the story, which is considered as sixth form (or first year of college).   
Now he's at the end (So about mid May) of year 13 (so turning 18 in August). So after his exams, he basically finishes highschool.
> 
> Also, I feel like this chapter is fast-paced, but that was my intention?


	11. Our gazes may reach each other one day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They'll be happier in the future, Mark knows.

Mark was 18 when he opened up his mail and found out that he had been accepted into the university he had been dreaming about. Tears stung his eyes as he read through the email, biting his lip to force away the urge to smile. He got up from his seat in a hurry to rush downstairs, but paused by the door. Would his parents even care that he got accepted? Would his parents celebrate with him? It's not as if they cared about Mark anymore, if they did they would have spoken to him in the past year. 

Ever since Mark threw away the ring and retreated to his bedroom, his parents didn't bother sparing him a glance. His mum stopped calling him down to dinner and they both collectively ignored his existence. Mark figured they no longer wanted him around. With Mark gone, they could invite Donghyuck whenever they wanted to. It would be much easier that way.

"I'll just tell them when I'm leaving," Mark whispered to himself, glancing down at his phone, the name of the university burning into his eyes. "It's far away, they'd have no excuse."

  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  
  


"I'm moving out on Friday," Mark finally managed to say as he stood in the kitchen. He heard his parents take a sharp breath before turning to him. 

"Moving out?" His dad's voice sounded strained. Mark couldn't find it in himself to turn around. "You never mentioned anything about…"

"Friday?" His mum hiccuped. "That's tomorrow. Do you mean next week?"

"No," Mark tilted his head to the side, closely watching the way they looked at him. They looked...sad? But why would they? Weren't they the ones who wanted him to leave? Weren't they the ones who thought he was a disgrace to their family, that he was bringing them down? That he ruined their relationship with their best friends? Maybe it was their parental instincts. The thought of living away from their son. The son they spent 18 years taking care of. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

"You can't just leave!" His dad yelled, throwing a hand forward to grasp onto Mark's shirt, but he stepped back, dodging him. "You haven't even packed!"

"I have," Mark lowered his gaze to the floor. "I've already sent my luggage to the dorm I'm staying in."

His parents stood still, speechless. Maybe once Mark left they'd realise he was doing them a favour. They'd been reminding him for the past year that he wasn't welcome in his family anymore. It was just instincts. They'd get over it. They'll be happy in the future, without Mark. 

"What," his mum stuttered. Mark looked up, but then immediately looked away when he caught sight of her tearful eyes. "What about money?"

"I had been applying for jobs around my uni ever since I got in," Mark replied. He had thought everything out. With a stable job somewhere close to uni, he would be able to live off his own money. That way, he wouldn't need to contact his parents with that in mind. "I had an interview a week back and they said I can start working as soon as I move into my dorm."

"You...you really thought this through." His dad chuckled wetly. "You went through all this effort to leave us, to run away from us."

Mark played with the hem of his shirt. His dad was right. He was trying his hardest to run away from everything. He wanted to move away from his parents, his school, Yerim, Jisung, Donghyuck. He wanted to escape the hell he was living in. Maybe then he'll be able to breathe properly. 

"You don't have to see me off in the morning." Mark took large steps to the door. His parents seemed paralysed in their spots, simply watching Mark's back as he left. "I wouldn't want to bother you."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mark could hear his mum crying. He was sitting on the floor of his room (his empty room). The sound of his parents talking over the phone was loud, and he was sure he could hear them talking about how they didn't expect this. But then what did they want from Mark? It was either that he accepted the engagement or left their house. Why were they so upset over this? Didn't they want this?

The sound of something tapping against Mark's window snapped him out of his thoughts. It wasn't windy outside, nor was there a tree by his window. Mark frowned. He forced himself to get up, letting out a grunt as he tentatively walked over to the window, slowly pushing aside the curtains.

"Open the window, Mark!" 

"Huh?" Mark's eyes widened and his grip on the curtains tightened. He looked at the blonde staring at him angrily in shock. "What're you doing here?" 

"What do you mean, what am I doing here?" Donghyuck huffed out, his voice muffled, and knocked on the window a second time. "Open this window!"

Without thinking, Mark pulled open the window. Donghyuck was quick to climb in. 

"It's freezing you asshole, couldn't you have opened it quicker!" Donghyuck held his arms around himself and looked around the room, the frown on his face deepening when he realised there wasn't much in his room. "So it's true."

"What?" Mark awkwardly stood by his window, not understanding why Donghyuck had barged into his room. Mark paused and then blinked in confusion. Why had he even let Donghyuck in?

"You're moving out," Donghyuck sounded dejected. He had his back to Mark as he looked around the room. "You're leaving Auntie and Uncle behind."

"It's not as if they wanted me here," Mark pinched his ear and tried to ignore the glare Donghyuck sent his way. "When did you dye your hair?"

"Don't change the subject," Donghyuck grunted. "Why are you moving to another city? There's so many universities you could pick from here. And didn't you get the grades you wanted?"

"I want to move out," Mark glanced at Donghyuck but was quick to avert his eyes. Donghyuck looked so irritated, Mark couldn't look at him properly. 

"That doesn't answer my question," Donghyuck took a step towards him. "Why are you moving cities? You can move out of this neighborhood or whatever, but why go to a completely different place?" 

"It's none of your business." Mark clenched his hands into fists. Why was Donghyuck asking him stupid questions? Why was he pretending to care? "Anyways, can you leave?"

Mark turned around and opened his window once again. A sudden breeze flew in and he shivered. "Mark," Donghyuck said quietly, beside his ear. Mark froze. When did Donghyuck come that close?

"Please, tell me," Donghyuck continued. He sounded desperate. "Why are you leaving?"

"I said, it's none of your business," Mark replied, strong with his answer. It really wasn't anything that concerned Donghyuck. Who did he think he was that he could come to Mark a year and a half later and pretend as though everything between them was normal? "Now, leave."

"Why are you always running away?" Donghyuck asked, his hands gently pressing on Mark's arms, slowly coming to wrap around him. The older took a shaky breath, their intimacy being too unusual for him. When was the last time he hugged Donghyuck? Was it when they were 10 and completely attached by the hip? 

"Leave," Mark said firmly, closing his eyes as Donghyuck pressed closer. It felt weird, the warmth that Donghyuck gave off. It was comforting, but at the same time suffocating. "Donghyuck, let go of me."

"Why?" Donghyuck clutched onto Mark's shirt, leaning down until his head was placed on Mark's shoulder. "Why do you always run away? You've been like this ever since we were younger."

That wasn't true. Mark didn't always run away, did he? Well, if he did, it must've been for a reason.

"When I got hurt and went to the infirmary," Donghyuck's voice was quiet, as if the words he was speaking were meant only for Mark. No one else could hear them. "I was waiting for you. I didn't cry, I just sat there and was waiting for you to come and tell me that it was okay. Tell me that you would help me next time, or— or just tell me that you'd help me tend to my wounds. But you didn't come, you— you stayed in class. You stayed with your friends."

Mark took a deep breath and titled his head away from Donghyuck's. 

"Then when you saw me that day on the roof." Mark saw images of Donghyuck, bruised and exhausted, flash in his eyes. He was quick to open them and stare out the window. "Remember what you did? You just watched them laugh about my sexuality, and my parents. Then, when you seemed to gain some consciousness, you just told them to knock it off before leaving to have lunch with them.

"I felt so embarrassed." Donghyuck was crying. Mark could feel his shoulder get wet. "It was humiliating, the fact that you had to see me that way. You must've laughed when you left and had lunch with them, didn't you? Thought of me as some joke, a sort of entertainment."

"I never—"

"How would I know?" Donghyuck cut him off in a hurry, his voice cracked and his grip on Mark tightened. "How would I know if you laughed or not? All I knew was that you hated me, you hated the idea of getting married to me. You put the blame of our parents on me and let your friends do whatever they wanted with me.

"Did you ever wonder why I never fought back, or even told anyone about what they did?" Mark shook his head, unable to say anything. "It was because of you, Mark. They said they'd do the shit they did to me to you if I ever spoke a word about what they did."

Mark held his breath. What? They had said that to Donghyuck? They were holding his tongue by threatening him using Mark?

"I didn't want you to get hurt," Donghyuck sniffled. "I never wanted you to get hurt! But you just didn't leave their side, I thought you would. You had Renjun and Lucas as friends, why would you need them? And then Yerim came along. You had engrossed yourself into that circle at school that no one spoke bad about. You were at the center of the group, dating the most popular girl at school and were friends with the so-called popular kids."

That...was what Mark had planned. He wanted to be in the center of everything. He wanted to get everyone's attention the same way he had seen older students at school. They looked so happy from afar, who knew living like them could end up making Mark so miserable. 

"Mark, the day at Lucas' birthday," Donghyuck spoke after a while. "Yerim and Jisung came to the party together. I thought maybe you had come along with them, although there was this distance between you and the group, I thought everything had been resolved. But then Jisung made a move on Yerim. They— they were supposed to be your friends, but...but they were doing shit that wasn't allowed.

"I didn't mean for them to reveal our engagement to everyone." Mark knew that. After all, Donghyuck was happily dating Jaemin, why would he want everyone to know about him being forced into a relationship with a guy he barely spoke to. Mark didn't blame him for that. "I'm sorry, Mark. I really am sorry."

Donghyuck pulled his arms away, only to force Mark to turn around. He had tears running down his cheeks and a strange expression on his face. Mark felt his heart ache. "Please don't leave. I'm sorry, please just don't leave."

Before Mark could answer, Donghyuck reached forwards and embraced him once again. "I'll tell everyone that there wasn't anything between us. That our parents forced this! I'll even try harder when convincing my parents I don't want to be with you. Just please, please don't leave. I know you probably still hate me, but don't go."

Mark raised his head to look at the ceiling. What was he doing? At the age of 18, Mark was standing in his room, Donghyuck wrapped around him, crying and begging him not to leave. What was he supposed to do? Donghyuck thought he hated him. He did, didn't he? He hated the fact that because of Donghyuck, his life was ruined. He hated Donghyuck for ruining his life. But was he really the one to blame?

"Mark, please don't go. We all love you."

Love? His parents love him? What a joke. Mark felt tears run down his cheeks. He didn't bother wiping them away. 

"Donghyuck," he said, his voice wavered. Donghyuck pulled away with large eyes, expectantly looking at him. They stared at each other for a moment before Mark spoke up. "Please leave."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used a total of 51 question marks in this chapter...sorry :/


	12. If I am given a second life I may live and breathe differently compared to now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uni started, Jungwoo's nice? Why is she here?

“Are you not going to join any clubs?” Mark looked up from the counter and turned to his right. Jungwoo raised an eyebrow and waited for Mark’s response. All he got was a shrug of his shoulders. “That’s not a good enough answer,” Jungwoo said, walking over to Mark and wrapping his arm around him. “It’s already been half a month since uni started and you still haven’t joined a club, neither have any of your friends come over to our dorm room. Actually, do you even have any friends? I haven’t seen you around anyone.”

“I have friends,” Mark lied through his gritted teeth, trying his best to get Jungwoo’s arm off his shoulders. “They just don’t go to this uni.”

“Really?” Jungwoo leaned on his side, twisting his body so that he was looking up at Mark. “None of my friends from high school came to the same uni as me, but that didn’t stop me from making new ones.”

Mark sighed noisily and continued cleaning the few dishes that had piled up. Jungwoo was always like this. In the 14 days that Mark had known Jungwoo, he found out that the older boy was incredibly nosy, constantly forcing himself into conversations and situations that didn’t involve him. Of course, all of Jungwoo’s friends, at least the ones Mark had seen come round their shared dorm room or at the cafe they both worked at, never seemed to mind his actions. Instead, they normally seemed fond of his habit and treated him more affectionately. Mark found that strange. If he was to ever do that to Jisung he probably would’ve gotten punched. There was one odd case though; there was Kim Doyoung. 

“Doyoung!” Jungwoo brightened up at the sight of Doyoung by the door. Mark stifled his laugh when Doyoung visibly deflated when he heard Jungwoo. “Hurry up, come in. Why are you still standing there?”

“I’m just here for some coffee, can I have the usual, Mark?” Doyoung asked, looking over Jungwoo's shoulder as the taller boy dragged him into a hug from across the counter.

"Sure thing, hyung." Mark had found it weird when Doyoung told him to call him 'hyung'. He had assumed the older boy would prefer to be called sunbae and be treated with more respect, but surprisingly Doyoung had become soft for Mark within a day. Jungwoo had complained when Doyoung exchanged numbers with Mark, saying something about how Doyoung only gave him his number after a few months when they were part of the same group for a project. 

"Have you picked a club yet?" Doyoung's voice snapped Mark out of his trance. He hurriedly put a cap on the drink and passed it over. 

"Not yet, what club are you part of?" 

"History club," Doyoung sighed when Mark looked at him in surprise. "Don't even ask."

"He accidentally got drunk the day before the deadline for club registration and ended up picking a choice whilst being half asleep," Jungwoo explained, happily laughing at Doyoung's miserable expression. "I'm part of the e-sports club, why don't you join us?"

Mark pondered for a moment, trying to understand what 'e-sports' was before shaking his head. "I don't play games," he said, turning away from the two when a memory of his previous friends inviting him out to the arcade flashed in his mind. "I'm not very good at them."

"So what?" Jungwoo pouted, clinging onto Mark's arm. "I wasn't good at them either, but the club members helped me practice. Plus games help de-stress."

Mark fiddled with his thumbs as the other two waited for a response. What was the harm in joining a club? Mark had tried his best to stay away from people as much as he could, but was failing horribly. Jungwoo ended up being his dorm mate and co-worker, then forced Mark to meet his friends and they all exchanged numbers. Maybe it was best if Mark moved on from his old friendships and started anew. After all, wasn't that the point? He moved out far from home to avoid meeting people from his school, and to be able to get away from his parents. 

Taking a deep breath, Mark looked up with a small smile. "Alright then, I'll be in your care, Jungwoo hyung."

-

"You weren't joking when you said you were bad," Jungwoo chuckled awkwardly, his eyes darting from Mark's screen and Wonwoo, one of the older members in the club. "Then again, it probably wasn't a good idea to make you go against the best member on your first try."

"I feel guilty for trashing you like that," Wonwoo said seriously, turning to Mark with an apologetic look on his face. He reached out to pat Mark's shoulder. "But if you stay with us you could probably beat Chan by the end of it."

"Chan?" Mark asked. There were far too many people in the club, Mark already had difficulty remembering the names of the people present in the room and apparently there were a few more that weren't there. 

Wonwoo was about to reply when he got a message on his phone. The moment he saw who sent it, Wonwoo's face brightened and he jumped out of his seat. Mark flinched back in surprise as Wonwoo muttered out an excuse and rushed out of the room. 

"Mingyu probably messaged him," Jungwoo laughed, falling onto the seat beside Mark. 

Mark turned to him with a raised eyebrow. "Mingyu?"

Jungwoo pulled out his phone and showed Mark a picture. It was of Wonwoo and some taller guy. He was good looking and Mark found his gaze lingering on the picture for longer than necessary. They looked incredibly close, especially since Wonwoo was smiling so brightly and Mark had barely gotten a response out of him since they met. Maybe they were as close together as Mark was with Lucas. Or were they as close as Lucas and Renjun?

He cringed as he remembered them. "What's wrong?" Jungwoo asked, lightly tapping Mark's shoulder. "You look sick all of a sudden."

"Nothing's wrong," Mark chuckled quietly, picking his bag up and making a beeline for the door. "Just remembered that my shift starts in a few minutes."

"Oh!" Jungwoo clapped his hands. "Shoo! Go quickly, Taeyong hyung hates it when people come late."

Shooting Jungwoo a smile, Mark brushed past a few people entering and ran out of the room, his mind jumbled up with thoughts about highschool.

-

Mark had figured that by leaving everyone behind in highschool he would be able to fix his life — out of sight out of mind. But clearly nothing was going to go his way.

"Mark?" Yerim awkwardly chuckled, shifting her weight from one foot to another as silence followed between them. The café was empty and the sound of the kids outside was all to be heard. Yerim was facing the floor with her eyes darting around the room, never settling on Mark. Why was she acting that way? Just over a year ago she hadn't bothered with looking innocent around Mark, yet here she was, avoiding eye contact like a child. 

"Are you going to order?" Mark asked, his grip on the machine tightening when Yerim glanced up with a pained look. 

"Look, Mark. Can we talk about—"

"Please tell me your order," he interrupted her, hoping that she would accept defeat and leave. If Mark didn't interrupt her, was she going to talk to him about highschool? Was she going to make a stupid joke and ask him how Donghyuck was?

Yerim stared at his face for a few moments before reciting her order, nervously playing with the hem of her shirt. It was a surprise to see her acting like this, especially since she was always so proud and confident before. But Mark didn't want to delude himself. This was probably an act. 

"Here's your drink." And with that, Yerim nodded her head down a little before hurrying out of the café. Mark slumped down against the counter and let out a loud sigh of relief. Hopefully Yerim didn't go to the same uni as him, which was highly likely since the café was practically just a few blocks away from their campus. 

The sound of the door opening snapped Mark out of his thoughts and he jumped up, plastering a fake smile on his face as the customer said their order. Hopefully that was the last time he would see Yerim.

-

Life truly was against him when Yerim entered the café for a seventh time. Mark had dismissed it as a coincidence that she was coming by at the same time as his shifts, but became suspicious when he found out that Jungwoo had been talking to her. Was she telling him about Mark's past? Was he going to be shunned out here as well? As all negative thoughts rang in his head, Yerim appeared by the counter. 

"Hey, Mark," she smiled softly. "Can we please talk?"

Mark blinked at her blankly before nodding. It was better if he took all the hits rather than anxiously watching her tell everyone about their time together. The door of the staff room shut behind them and Yerim sat down on one of the chairs. Mark hovered near one, but decided not to sit beside her. 

A minute passed before Mark's patience ran out. "Do you not have something to say?" He knew he probably shouldn't be aggressive to the one person on campus who could ruin his life at uni, but his tone of voice completely changed when he laid his eyes upon Yerim. 

"Mark," she said quietly, turning her head up. Mark's eyes widened at the sight and his chest tightened. "I'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me ages to update this cause school started again and I barely had any time to write haha


	13. I don't wanna be left alone, take me to you now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's sorry. A new friend?

"I'm sorry," Yerim cried out, the tears dripping continuously from her face. Mark stared at her with wide eyes. What was he supposed to do? Whilst they were dating, Yerim never revealed her vulnerable side and neither did Mark. This was all new to him. "I'm sorry, Mark. I should've never told Jisung about you and Donghyuck and I should've never jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry for telling everyone about it and then throwing you under the bus."

Mark cleared his throat as the burden on his chest felt heavier than ever before. "Why are you apologising now?" He asked, his voice wavering as his eyes began to sting. This could be a trick, a sort of prank. Was Jisung going to appear from the door behind Mark and laugh at how quick he was to accept Yerim's apology? Was she apologising for calling Mark a cheater, for being unfaithful herself or for the hell she had created for Mark at school? There was no way this was real. Nearly two years had passed since that incident and only now Yerim seemed to realise her mistake?

"I wanted to apologise to you before," she mumbled, rubbing her face with the sleeves of her shirt. Grimacing, Mark reached out and passed her a tissue. "Thanks," she quietly wiped her face clean and turned back to Mark. "I know I'm late and that this is long due, but I really am sorry."

This couldn't be true, right? There was no way Yerim would go out of her way just to apologise to Mark. She had Jisung and everyone else, his absence must've not felt like anything. So how did she even realise what her mistake was? What if Donghyuck had spoken to her? What if— Mark shook her head. This was not the time to be accusing people who were no longer in his life.

He took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face. Mark could be considered naive or gullible after doing this, but he couldn't refuse a crying Yerim. Even if he no longer had feelings for her, she was still someone he held quite close to his heart, despite the false accusations she had thrown upon him. "Yerim," he said softly, lightly brushing his hand against hers, halting her movements. "I'm sorry as well, I should've told you clearly what my relationship with Donghyuck was, even if it wasn't one I wanted."

Yerim choked on a sob and wrapped her arms around Mark. "No, no! Don't apologise! I'm the one who twisted the story. If I hadn't told Jisung about it and he hadn't convinced me to get revenge on you, none of this would've happened."

Mark pat the back of Yerim's head awkwardly as he felt his shoulder become increasingly damp. This was strange. Their sudden intimacy felt weird. Even when they dated, the only time they were this close was when the two of them weren't in their right minds, either drunk or high. Thinking back on it, Mark wondered if they really liked each other. If they did, Yerim wouldn't have ever left him that quickly and neither would Mark have felt more offended by Jisung's betrayal than Yerim's. 

"No," Mark muttered to himself, curling his arms around Yerim's waist and pulled her close. "I really did like you."

"Same," Yerim replied, having heard the words Mark had said into her hair. "I really did like you, Mark. It's just, come on, I easily wavered, shit was going on at home and my grades were falling. The chances of me getting a scholarship were close to none. Everything was piling up and Jisung was constantly breathing down my neck, telling me to break up with you and date him instead. Then when I heard that you were engaged, I thought that maybe you were just using me, you know, to pretend you were straight."

"You thought that's what I was doing?" Mark asked, pulling away from the hug to look at her with surprise. 

"I mean could you blame me for that? I come over to your house and your parents tell me you had gone over to your fiance's house to drop off some food," Yerim sniffled, leaning back in her seat, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright red. Mark stared down at her before falling down onto the chair opposite her. 

"Haa," Mark sighed, lightly chuckling into his hands. So it all came back to the engagement. If Yerim had never found out— if Mark was forced into a false engagement in the first place, none of this would've happened. "What the hell? I went through hell over this?"

"I know, I'm sorry. If I could go back in time, I'd definitely change everything I did," Yerim quickly apologised again bowing her head down in shame. "I understand if you can't forgive me, but please know that I'm willing to wait until you can accept it."

Mark glanced up at her before sighing again. "Yeah," he said quietly, turning his gaze away from her. "I can't forgive you for what you did this easily. Do you even know how I felt when everyone in school just suddenly isolated me and treated me like I was an alien. And then on the other hand, all of you looked so happy without me. It made me feel so insignificant."

The corners of Yerim's lips tugged downwards and Mark could see how hard she was trying to keep her tears in. Closing his eyes for a moment, Mark thought deepy. He couldn't just blame her for it all, could he? Neither could he simply say that the engagement caused all this trouble, even if it did. Maybe _Donghyuck was right_, Mark thought, pinching the bridge of his nose. He couldn't just blame one person. 

"Yerim," Mark said softly, glancing up to see her staring at him with a scared look. "Give me some time, yeah? It'll take a while for me to get over it all."

"I'm willing to wait," she replied, smiling sadly at Mark before reaching out to place her hand over his.

Just two years ago, that small amount of contact would've made Mark's stomach burst into butterflies, his cheeks would've reddened and his heart would skip a beat. But now, in the staff room of a cafe that was half empty, Mark simply smiled and pulled his hand away. 

-

"So you do have friends." Jungwoo clapped from behind the counter. Mark looked away from Yerim and glared at him. The cafe had calmed down and Mark’s shift had ended. Yerim suggested they caught up on everything that had happened in the time they spent apart, and the cafe was the perfect place to talk.

“Shut up,” Mark mumbled, playing with his fingers as Yerim turned to him with concerned eyes.

“You haven’t spoken to Renjun or Lucas since you came here?” She sounded worried and slightly upset at the thought of him not having any friends left. It sort of made Mark happy to know that she felt the slightest bit of guilt. Or perhaps he felt the giddiness because he knew there was someone out there worried for him.

He shook his head and took a sip of his coffee, the taste far too sweet for him and he hurriedly placed it back down. “We stopped speaking after the incident at Lucas’ party,” Mark said, offering a small smile when Yerim’s shoulders dropped. “That wasn’t your fault, they chose to stay by Donghyuck’s side and never asked whether I was fine or not.”

“Still,” Yerim's head dropped alongside her shoulders. “If I hadn’t done that-”

“Alright, alright,” Mark waved his hand between them as if trying to wipe away the awkwardness. “I’ve heard enough of your apologises,” he paused and shot her a warm look. “It’s fine, I understand.”

“Look at you two,” Jungwoo suddenly appeared from behind Yerim with a plate full of cookies. “One day you guys are avoiding eye contact and the next you’re smiling like idiots. Are the two of you dating?”

“Of course not." Both of them blurted out, strangely sounding offended by the assumption. Mark glanced over at Yerim who did the same and began to laugh. This whole situation was crazy. Mark had denied the idea of him dating Yerim? If only his past self could see this, he would be mortified.

“We know each other from high school,” Yerim explained as Jungwoo nodded along. “It was just slightly awkward when we saw each other after so long so it took a while to warm up to him again.”

Jungwoo snorted and punched Mark’s arm. “I know right, it’s so difficult just to get this guy to speak to you.”

“Anyways!” Mark interrupted them before they could go on about how horrible he was with social interactions. “Yerim, you should get going, right?”

Yerim checked the time and then stood up, lightly brushing her hand against Mark’s. “You’re right. Let’s meet again, yeah? Is your number still the same?”

“No,” Mark answered and Yerim frowned, but decided not to comment on it. “Here, let me give it to you.”

Once they exchanged numbers, Yerim quickly disappeared into the crowd outside the cafe. Mark heard Jungwoo throw a few teasing jokes at him, but they flew over his head. All he could think about was whether it was alright for him to meet Yerim again. Did she really change? Were all these apologises fake or did she really mean it? Mark didn't know when he would be sure of it all, but till then he'd enjoy some attention from it. It felt nice talking to her after so long.

-

“This is Chan,” Wonwoo said, pointing over at the boy sitting on one of the seats. Chan looked up in surprise and stared at Mark with wide eyes. “This is Mark, the newest member of our club.”

“Hey,” Chan waved, laughing softly when Wonwoo suddenly left their side and the two of them were alone. “Hyung just randomly introduced us, huh?”

“Yeah,” Mark slowly sat down a few seats away from him. A silence followed and the two of them kept stealing glances. How was Mark supposed to talk to him? Apparently, he was the same age as him, but when was the last time Mark spoke to someone the same age as him, other than Yerim? 

“You’re the same age as me, right?” Chan asked, leaning closer so that he could speak clearly over the sound of the other members yelling at each other. When Mark nodded Chan brightened up. “Ah, I’m so glad. I thought I would be the only one who joined from this year's first years.”

Mark smiled at him and then nodded his head at Jungwoo. “I actually got dragged here.”

“Same!” Chan exclaimed. “I was going to join the dance club, but since I’ve known Wonwoo hyung since we were younger, he dragged me over here and forced me to join.”

“You’ve known him since you were younger?”

_Wow_, Mark thought, grinning as Chan began to explain how he knew everyone in the room, _this was easier than I thought_. The conversation lasted longer than Mark had expected and by the end of it, he had learnt almost everything about Chan’s childhood leading up to then.

Most of the members had already left when Chan paused to read a message on his phone. "Oh, my friend just told me she's coming to check out the club room."

The moment Chan finished his sentence, a few of the guys sitting by the computers jumped up. "A girl? We're finally going to have a female member?"

"You sound creepy, don't scare her away," Wonwoo said from his seat, shooting them a dirty look.

"Yeah, back off," Chan huffed, standing up and walking over the door. "And don't try making any moves on her, okay? I'm really trying my hardest with her."

"Trying your hardest with who?"

Mark froze midway through eating the chocolate Wonwoo had passed him and almost snapped his neck in the process of turning to see the voice.

"Huh?" Mark looked at Yerim with his jaw wide open. "What're you doing here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I love seventeen. A couple of seventeen members might be introduced, so take this as an opportunity to go check them out if you haven't already :D they're having a comeback soon so this is perfect !!


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